Tuesday, August 3, 2004

Speedo Man

I'm sorry about the content of my blog as of late. As much as I have tried to write something a tad more interesting, it seems my brain has decided to join the body on vacation.

I will tell you about Speedo Man. Speedo Man was at the JCC pool on Sunday. As we all know Speedos are illegal unless you are European or an Olympic swimmer. This man was neither and really should have been apprehended by the fashion police. I was not about to make a citizen's arrest because, well, would you want to approach a middle-aged man in a Speedo?

Anyway, back to the story... Speedo Man was playing with his daughter, a cute 2 year old in a becoming pink bikini that shifted with each trip down the mini-waterslide. Alex & Tyler were shooting Zach & I with the water canon. The water canon is perched on a platform along with the top of previously mentioned mini-waterslide. I glanced down at Zach and heard a man's voice booming across the pool and looked up to see Speedo Man hurling himself through the water toward the platform. His daughter was sitting on the platform crying. Tyler was looking stunned and scared. Speedo Man leapt to his daughter's rescue and bellowed at my son. Now I can't tell you what he said. As loud as it was - the pool was louder. We are talking 30 people, 20 of which are under 10 and water spraying and shooting everywhere. Unless someone is yelling directly into your ear, you will not hear anything but a kind of white noise.

Again, back to the story... Many things are running through my mind at this point. One is, "Stop yelling at my son." Another that quickly followed was, "What did he do? I know he did something. He was probably not paying attention. Does he really deserve to be screamed at by a stranger in a scary, too small bathingsuit." And finally, "Hey! That's my kid you're yelling at!" What I did/said was - Run up to the platform (a scary sight I'm sure), grab hold of Tyler and hug him. Ask him what happened and check little girl for blood. Tyler starts crying hysterically. Now I must reassure him and glare menacingly at Speedo Man. The glare must have worked because Speedo Man is now concerned for Tyler's wellbeing. All the while we are now in the center of water spraying and shooting and pouring. I can't hear ANYTHING but my son sobbing. I'm trying to convince him the scary man isn't angry. He was just worried about his little girl. Everything is fine. He didn't mean to scare him. Tyler informs me everyone is angry at him. Now I must reassure him that no one is angry.

Well, I have no recollection of how he became distracted. (I did mention my brain seems to have gone on vacation and it was 2 days ago.) All I know is - he recovered. Speedo Man and his daughter recovered. All was well... until I told the story to my husband later that night and he is now hoping to run into Speedo Man before we leave St. Louis. We have been going to the pool every day (except today) so the chances are good. What are the chances he'll forget? Okay, we all know nil. Because even if he forgets, if he sees a guy in a Speedo, he'll remember real quick.

Warning to all St. Louis men in Speedos - Just say Board Shorts - at least until Sunday.


Robert said...

Some of you American are really silly or sick. Speedos are normal not these baggy shorts (by the way the most normal thing is to bath nude!). In what a society do you live to say 'speedos are not allowed, except for olympics or European'? so many people in the States are so bigot. You have the biggest porno industry in the world, but if a 6yo. boy kisses a girl in school he can get into jail. No wonder that most of you have to go to a psychiatrist when they are grown. US is no longer a free country. Since a couple of years you a depressed by conservative groups that misuse you for their personel interests.

Think about it. Greetings from Robert from Germany (thanks God with much less rapes and kills than the US, guess why...?)

MoMMY said...


It was a joke. Speedos are allowed. I just don't prefer them.

Anonymous said...

i agree with robert. you are out of line lady. i don't even care if you are joking. we can only hope you don't give your bad values and bad humor to your children.

god bless america....


NJ said...

I came across your blog because I am looking for a fun pair of Speedos to buy for my American boyfriend. He just recently became a fan of them, and tells me they make him feel like he is swimming in the nude!. He has like 3 pairs already. So I do not think all Americans are anti-Speedo, though I think it depends on the man - some just do not have the physique and look ridiculous. I was at the pool and this guy had bum cleavage and a huge tummy. I am from England and guys here don’t wear Speedos as a rule, but on the continent they are all the rage!


Anonymous said...

well sunshine ... sorry you had such an unpleasant experience at the pool -- but that's life ... hopefully your kid won't inherit your appalling immaturity and will - at some point - grow up into an adult ... something you have yet to do. btw what did your little precious do the little girl??? maybe that's the real story here..... and finally... i sort of agree with the other posts here - you kind of seem .... i don't know... obsessed with the fact that the guy was wearing a speedo