Friday, May 25, 2007

Something's Not Right...

A very strange thing happened on Wednesday.

I went to my oldest son's practice for his travel baseball team and there were *gasp* girls on the fields. As in, Wednesdays are softball night at the fields.

I then realized I've never been there on a softball night. I knew almost none of the parents. And the actual air felt different. Very different. I swear I could feel the estrogen floating about and instead of making me more comfortable (as one might assume) it freaked me the hell out. I felt VERY uncomfortable. The balance of the universe was off. In fact, it was so bad I had to get out of there. There was cheering and screeching and... pink. Nothing I'm used to.

So I left and went to lacrosse practice where there were all boys and parents I recognized. The testosterone was comforting and the world was right again.

Is this not the oddest thing you've ever heard? I was there and I still find it odd. Very odd.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007


My left eyelid keeps twitching.
Since yesterday.
It's really starting to piss me off.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Life is Getting Good

My oldest mowed the lawn for the 1st time all by himself yesterday...


Friday, May 4, 2007

Newness and Mediocrity

Anita brought up a good point in the comments of my last post:

"I think this age (middle) is a tricky one. We can see that we haven't accomplished everything we want, and we can see that we won't, and we are glimpsing our own mortality. We yearn to feel. I think that makes it a time rife for seeking newness. We all need to be careful of the form in which that newness manifests itself."

I've come to the conclusion she is right. So very, very right. For the last couple of years I have been looking for that newness. I haven't looked for it in a male (Good God, I certainly don't need another male in my life!) But I have been looking at my career path - or lack there of -, my creative life, my home and just about every other area of my life. The difference is, the newness I look for starts within.

I have realized, I'm not happy with how I'VE turned out. I'm certainly less than I expected to be. And there it is. Another cliche. I'm not at all the person I thought I'd be. I thought I was special and different and could do anything I put my mind to. That was how I was raised. I've learned that is not the case. I am the same. I am like many people. And even when I put my mind to something and try and try to succeed at it, it doesn't happen. Not to say that some things will never happen, but really... I'm very mediocre.

There are so many better artists. So many better writers. So many better "fill-in the blank" here. I believe there is room for many people to succeed in every field. Room for everyone. I don't think that if someone else succeeds it means I can't. What I have realized over the last 8 years or so is that even though I could succeed, I won't. Because I'm just not talented enough.

I keep thinking that if I keep working at it - it will happen. But honestly, I don't love anything quite that much. I worked at writing for a solid 6 years. And then? I'd had enough. My attention span is just not that long when there is no recognition EVER.

But now I've run out of time for this post so I shall continue at a later date. Or not.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

The Practice Taxi is Back

The baseball. The lacrosse. All the damn meetings and whatnot. Good lord, I can't even get to the friggin' grocery store. And you want to know why I haven't blogged? Are you kidding me?

To update from the last post: the snow is gone. But 49 is too cold to be standing outside in the wind while children practice various sports. Saturday's lacrosse game? At 9 AM on a very windy hill in frigid temps? Not fun. For anyone. Even the players who were running their little bottoms off were complaining of the cold.

It is cold here. And gray. And windy. I thought it was May. Am I wrong?

Bad Time of Year

This is definitely a bad time of year to start a new blog.

Reason #1: End of/Beginning of Month: My busiest time at work.

Reason #2: Sports. Sports. And even more sports. Baseball and lacrosse are very time consuming. And no, I don't play any sports except the sport of reading. My boys play. All of them. All 4 of them.

Reason #3: The weather. It is getting nicer out - finally! - and I would rather spend a bit of time outside than in on the computer. Or maybe not. But I do HAVE to spend more time outside tending to things. Things like the children. And eventually I will have to tend to the yard. The yard that currently looks like we live in an abandoned building. I hate yard work and gardening. Someone save me!

Reason #4: Since I'm going to try to keep this blog anonymous, I can't blog at night while the family is around. It will be interesting to see if I can pull it off.

There it is. A total cliche of the Springtime blog of someone with offspring.