I have forgotten how to do this

This does not even look the same as the last time I logged in. I mean, I guess it makes sense, it's been over three years, things change - especially on the web. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, THREE YEARS. Am old af.

So it is no secret I work in higher ed. And what I actually came here to say today has everything to do with that. Well, that and Covid. 

It seems for the first time, in my experience, large numbers of students are homesick already. I was discussing this with a colleague and she was saying how in a group meeting multiple students expressed being homesick and how that had never happened before. And it made me wonder if the fact that the students have spent the last 18 months at home and not pulling away - going out with friends, driving their parents crazy as they try to "grow up", etc - and instead being stuck together day in and day out has made this happen.

This is purely speculation and there is no data to back up my claims. I wonder what experiences others have had. Do you have a student going off to college? Do you work with college students? What do you think?

My own children drove me insane with the, "You can't tell me what to do, I am an adult." type rhetoric the summer before they left for college. It was to the point that I hoped they would leave before I murdered them. 

Well, that is all for today. This is a weird and wild ride writing here. 

I have a feeling no one will see this because who would even realize I'd written here? But eh, it was what I was feeling I needed to do so I did it.

2018 is the 2016 dumpster fire now raging out of control and consuming the earth.

The world is a hot mess and it has become worse than I ever imagined it could. I know I'm not supposed to waste time feeling hopeless. I'm supposed to do something. Do anything to make things better. Also, I'm supposed to not upset anyone - no yelling, screaming, being "uncivil" because it will just make people less likely to listen. But, I call bullshit. Now is not the time to be civil. Things need to change. Not slow change. Immediate change. FOR THE CHILDREN and our future. I just don't know what to do about it and just thinking about everything makes me so fucking tired. I am so tired of outrage. So tired of despair. So tired of fear for our futures.

We are being told we are overreacting and delicate snowflakes. We need to stop being angry at people who disagree with us. But to me, it seems the opposite of this is true. The real snowflakes are the Trump supporters. They want to take away our rights as women, as minorities, as the poor. They want to keep their guns - lives be damned, but control my body. They don't want to bake cakes for gay couples (people don't choose to be gay) but are angry when we refuse service to a person who is behaving in a terrible manner (that is a choice). See the difference there? One is who someone is - one is how someone chooses to behave. People are allowed to be treated poorly for how they behave (natural consequences) - not for who they are.

I'm just tired. But I don't have the option of not fighting. Because I CAN fight and the majority of those who are being targeted can't. I just wish someone could tell me what to do to make things change. Nothing ever seems like enough.

#WhyIMarch

I've been thinking a lot about why I marched in D.C. on Saturday. Every time I tried to tweet or write a post on Facebook or even articulate in person I became overwhelmed. There are SO MANY REASONS I traveled to Washington. So, now, I'm going to try to explain why I personally went.

1. Because I could. Not everyone who wanted to march could but I could. So I did. So not only was I marching for me. I was marching to anyone who wanted to be there and couldn't.
2. Being present counts. I can call and write to my congress people. I can donate to organizations that can help on a wider scope than I can personally. I have and I will continue to do these things but showing up and being present is important too.
3. As a privileged, straight, white woman, I need to protect those in marginalized groups. Not only do I want to protect them, I want them to know they can count on me. I will fight for them. I will help when I know what to do. I will ask what else I can do. And they can ask for help and I will be there.
4. My heart breaks for people in danger of losing their rights. I have very little at risk but there are so many people out there that could lose their home, their access to healthcare, their right to marry, their country, their control over their own body, this list just goes on and on. I know I am forgetting things and I am sorry. But I will fight for you.
5. I am opposed - so very opposed to Trump's cabinet appointments. But this? This is an entire post on its own. In fact, I could probably write a whole post for each appointment.
6. Black Lives Matter. 
7. LGBTQIA+ rights. To quote a sign at the march, "Marriage is about Love not gender." But, it's not just about the right to marry. It's just long. and complicated. and everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
8. I stand with Planned Parenthood. I used their services when I was in college and before I had a job with a health plan. I was able to have my annual exams at a price I could afford. All women should be allowed that basic human right.
9. Don't try to legislate my internal organs. Really. Back the fuck off. My body, my decisions.
10. I'm tired of people thinking it's ok to tell people of color - any color - to go back to where they came from.

I realize I am missing important reasons to march. It is most likely not because I don't agree or support them but more likely because there are just so many damn reasons I can't keep track of them all. So, if I missed something you feel is important, give it a shout out. I'd be happy to add it to the list if I forgot.

I did not make my own sign for the march. Much for the same reasons I didn't ever say exactly why I was marching. A Facebook/Twitter friend nailed it on the sign she made to march: "Literally everything about this is so awful that I have no idea where to even start." Now someone make a coffee table book of the protest signs. They were FANTASTIC! I was in awe.

I know one day, one march, one white woman won't change anything. It takes action. It takes days, weeks, years. But one woman showed up to this march and joined another woman, and another, and another. And together we showed the world we are here, standing together, fighting for you and us and all women. 

School

Hello world! Yes, it is I, lovable, furry, old Grover. No wait, I'm not Grover. Nor very lovable. However, old and furry may apply. I'm just saying.

The first day of school was yesterday and I realized next year there will be just one. One lonely child to send off to high school. It is weird. And quiet. And there are already times I don't know what to do with myself. Which is probably why I applied to grad school.

Yep, grad school. I've been accepted and started my first class. I'm guessing it will take me at least four years to finish. If I finish. I have no real goal in mind. I'm not looking for a new career. In fact, starting over sounds exhausting. But, I've been wanted to take classes since I started working here at RIT and now I finally feel like I can make the time to do it.

The other thing with getting a degree and being in a position to start over is I will be almost fifty. FIVE. ZERO. Do companies hire people who are fifty and new to a field? I feel like they probably don't. But, well, what do I have to lose? It will keep me busy and keep me in excuses for not cleaning my house. Clean? I can't. I have homework.

(And now you see my real motivation.)

Tiny Houses

Since the whole November posting thing didn't work as it was intended, I kept all of Kim's prompts and will use them when I feel the need to write something. And today? I feel the need to write something, anything.

This summer I became obsessed with the whole tiny house movement. Now I don't think Jeff and I could ever live in a tiny home permanently. I mean, where would we put all of the children when they came to visit?  (And they better visit.) But when the house is full of people and all of their things, it is sort of daydreamy to imagine living in something that takes a couple of hours to scrub top to bottom and only have minimal stuff to put away. I also like the closeness. (Most days.) I even have a whole board on Pinterest devoted to the things. I have dreamed of building one in the clearing out back when the kids all move out. We can live there and open up "the big house" when people come to stay/holidays/etc.

The prompt is this:

Someone's paying you to move into one of those tiny house everyone is talking about. If you can survive a whole year in that house with just the things on this list, you get a bajillion dollars. Tell us how you fill in this List Of Things You Can Take With You:

• 5 books - I'm going to cheat here... my kindle. So as many books as exist taking up the space of one. Oh, and a sketchbook and a notebook.
• 3 outfits - Jeans, t-shirt, sweater, socks & black boots; yoga pants, t-shirt, sweatshirt, socks, sneakers; Skirt, flowy shirt, sweater, sandals. This is rough though. I'd like to think I could have more than 3 shirts and 1 pair of jeans.
• You have a fridge/stove/oven - but you can only take 1 counter-top appliance - My percolator for coffee. I can handle no microwave but don't mess with my percolator!
• 1 DVD collection of a TV show (your budget doesn't allow for Netflix) - It would have to be Gilmore Girls. I can rewatch that forever. 
• 1 childhood artifact - Meh. Don't need one. I'll take an extra outfit instead. Or, at least another pair of jeans.
• They will give you ONE subscription to a magazine - what is it? - Again, meh. But if I had to choose? Probably something like Entertainment Weekly. Can I trade this for a pair of flip-flops?

I've been trying to decide what the one thing I would have to bring would be. I mean, for this exercise I'm done but we all have that one thing we would need. One thing that serves no practical purpose but we just need to have. And right now, for the life of me, I can't figure out what it would be. My ipod? I'm assuming I'll have my phone as we aren't talking about moving into a cave on a deserted island. So maybe just put some music on that. I'm not a huge music person so that would probably be plenty. I don't know. So, what would you bring to your tiny house and what is one thing not listed you would HAVE to have?

Where in the World

is would you go?

I've decided to use another of Miss Zoot's prompts. This one is about travel. Assuming you have unlimited funds to make this year/month/week EXACTLY how you'd want it to be. And when you come back - your job is waiting for you. Where would you go:

If you could spend ONE WEEK anywhere in the world, where would you go?

One week... I've always wanted to spend a week at some exotic beach resort with frozen drinks and no kids. Warm breezes and that blue, blue water you see in all the ads. Just a beach, a frosty drink and either my husband or my girls. The word of the week would be RELAX. Oh, and no forgetting the kindle.

If you could spend ONE MONTH anywhere in the world, where would you go?

My new travel obsession is Greece. I have no idea why beyond those blue waters and white houses on the hills. Cliffs? Mountains? Whatever they are. It will take me a month to get used to all the stairs but it will only take a moment to get used to the delicious, delicious food. A month would give me time to explore, relax, create, eat, and just soak in the atmosphere. The light there makes me want to take up painting or drawing or my camera.

If you could spend ONE YEAR anywhere in the world, where would you go?

This is a hard one. I like my house and my life and a whole year away would make me sad. But, if I had to go for a year it would be with a flight to Europe and a Eurail Global Pass. That covers 24 countries. Of course, I'd have to add England and Scotland. Money is no object! Isn't that what the prompt says? So all those places! A year should be enough time. Oh, do I get to travel with an interpreter? I'm going to need one of those.

Tell me where you would go in the comments! Or put a link to your blog post about this in the comments. Please! I want to know.

Sports!

So that posting thing I was planning hasn't actually been going as planned. Shocking. I know. Or possibly not shocking at all.

Yes, that one.

I signed up for Miss Zoot's prompts for November and have read each one and thought about posting and have done... nothing. Sorry Kim. You are doing all that work and I'm doing nothing. Doesn't seem fair.

Today's rockin' suggestion is Sports. And anyone who has ever met me, seen me on any social media, or had the unfortunate opportunity to smell my children knows - we do sports. Well, I don't do sports. That's just silly. I attend my children's sporting events. Mostly. And I drive them back and forth to practices and games/meets/tournaments.

My oldest, Alex, limited his serious sporting activities to baseball and soccer. He was a three season soccer player and a 2 season baseball player (with lessons during the off season). So there was overlap. The one rule I made when the kids were little - ONE SPORT - PER CHILD - PER SEASON. Broken. Baseball being his lifelong passion has taught me to enjoy the sport more than I did before but in general, I'm not a fan. I will watch my children play but, yeah, that's it. Now that he's in college he plays on a recreational soccer team and a rec softball team at the school and he played on a rec baseball team over the summer. I only went to one baseball game and haven't been to any of the others. I will say, he misses playing competitively and has been in talks with the college baseball coach but he's not playing for them yet.

Tyler, is my second son. My most competitive son (where sports are concerned). And my most focused son. He has taken gymnastics (until 6th grade to play soccer - see rule above), golf, ski team, and is a four season soccer player (RULE BROKEN). He gave up all other sports competitively to focus on soccer and has been killing it. Unfortunately, now he's in college and the competition is tough.  He has been so close to making various college teams during the application process last year but he just missed. It is heartbreaking as a parent. He is playing on an intramural team and a rec team at school and he still has a shot for next year. I believe he begins training with the team soon so we will see.

Now that those two are out of the house, the sports schedules have let up and NOW my junior in high school has decided to pick up a new sport. NOW. So this is the year I learn about how the swim team does things. Dylan has tried various sports over the years. Wrestling, soccer (off and on), lacrosse, tennis and now swimming. He's hoping to get back to tennis this year too. But overall he's never been a big sports kid. He seems to prefer individual sports to team sports. I think he may be pretty serious about swimming though because he has been getting up at FIVE-FORTY-FIVE for weeks to swim before school. Before the regular season started. This is a kid that likes his sleep. The season started yesterday. It should be interesting. Also, I need to figure out how to hold a team breakfast for 30 at my house in the coming months. I've chaperoned the varsity baseball team's Myrtle Beach trip for two years for Alex. That was cooking and shopping (my God the shopping!) for approximately 30 but it wasn't in my house. The things you learn that you never imagined sports will teach you.

It's the youngest, Zach, that may be the death of me though. He's a two season soccer player, baseball player, and ski team racer. He also joins every club known to man and now that he's in high school he's doing even more. This kid is a serious overachiever. He's hoping to play premier soccer but I'm making him wait because there is just not enough time in the day.

So what has all this taught me? The least athletic person on the planet. The person who didn't expect any of her children to play sports. Sports can be good. The kids' grades tend to be better during sport seasons. They form strong friendships and develop healthy habits in regards to exercise and nutrition. And you need to take out a second mortgage to feed them when they are playing.