Guess I Have Lots to Say

I'm sitting here in the quiet of my home, working on the computer. The loveliness of quiet. I had forgotten its beauty.

As you can see, I made it through the summer. No major injuries or traumas. The biggest surprise was the stress my youngest was feeling in the week or so before school started. He is the last one I thought would be worried about making friends - and that was his concern - making new friends. He told us he was 'embarrassed'. Not nervous but embarrassed. He was worried the kids would laugh at him. Interesting considering he is a bit of a clown. He works at making people laugh. (and he's good at it) This has seemed to cause no lasting damage though.

The leaves are starting to change and I love the feeling of starting something new. Embarking on a new adventure, new weather (the best weather) and now a new job and a new computer and of course, new OFFICE SUPPLIES! It is the best of most worlds right now.

Of course this is counterbalanced by the horrors in the south. It is not something I even want to delve into here. This is my place of respite when I need it. And right now I need it.

I am coming out of an extremely stressful time and am still thanking God and scientists for modern medicine. I forgot to take my happy pills for almost 2 days - what with the upheaval and insane and ever changing schedules I must navigate these days - and instead of finding I was doing okay I discovered I am far from okay. I still need it - a lot. The breakdowns, outbursts and feeling of disconnection came flooding back.

This is not something I dealing well with. I'm just getting myself back together on the meds, I thought it would carry over when I go off them. I just want to know... what now? The doctor told me when I went on them that 6 months was a good length of time to be on them. We are going on a year and I'm apparently no closer to going off them. This is really doing damage to the the strong woman I thought I was. I feel dented and dinged and damaged somehow. I'm the one who is suppose to be strong and deal with anything. What happened?

Whew... sorry about that rant. Seems I've been away so long and had things bursting to get out. I didn't even realize what was bottled up waiting for my blogging days to begin again.

As for Zach starting school...
I was lunch monitor for an hour yesterday and an hour today.

**WARNING - DO NOT VOLUNTEER FOR SUCH A JOB!!! IT IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART OR OF EARS. BE PREPARED TO MOP UP DRINKABLE YOGURT AND REGURGITATED CARROTS. (Yes, that means what you think it means.)**

I had a chance to see him with his new friends, as one of the big kids. It was very strange and disconcerting. He looks so old. He is so composed. It's as if he's been doing this for years. No fear. No uncertainty. I wish I felt the same.

As for how I've been filling all the free time I have... HA! Today is my 4th day home and I still have more work than time. I WILL have my day of celebration. Really, I've been planning it for years. My day of leisure is coming soon. Really. It is. I mean it.

Now... back to work. Only 1/2 hour until the kids arrive.