Tuesday, March 21, 2006

On My Mind

I've decided to shut down my website. Stop doing art festivals. Go back to taking photographs for myself again. I'll keep my blog. I'll start using my photo blog again - if I feel like it.

But! Not yet. My contract for the hosting and domain are good until January. So barring any miraculous and sudden fame and great wealth, I'll be closing up shop then. People could still order prints through the blog but there is no need for me to spend the cash on the website.

The pining for a better camera? Not so much anymore. I still like my camera and if I'm not going to sell the photos for commercial purposes, there is no need. Maybe if I ever get a job and we get on our feet financially I'll get one. If. Big IF.

Now the writing... I'd like to say I'm giving that up too but every time I say/think that I send something out or talk to someone about writing something else. So? I'm not going to stress about it. If I feel like doing it I will and if not, I won't. I know, duh! Sounds so simple, sounds like how any rational person would approach things. Have I mentioned I'm very rarely rational?

Right now I need a job. That is still bugging the crap out of me. I have a college degree and I can't get a PHONE CALL about maybe, possibly talking to someone about answering their fucking phones or typing their correspondence or filing and faxing their documents. It is very obvious I have no computer skills. Ahem. Not that they would know if I have phone skills because they haven't fucking CALLED me. *cough* Right, sorry about that. Did I mention I was feeling peaceful?

School... I'm applying for financial aid. Applying to school. Well, I'm more looking into all of that then actually doing it right now. I am going to sign up for a course for the summer. An online course through the local community college. Then I'll apply for aid and acceptance into an accounting program. Or maybe I'll just take the first class and see if I like it. See if I can even do it. Because as perfect as it sounds? I'm a bit scared it will be too hard. That I'll hate some hidden part of it or it will just be too damn HARD for my atrophying brain. I mean it's been THIRTEEN and 1/2 years since I was in school. That is a mighty long time. And the last eleven years have been spent wiping butts, being a human cow, feeding, clothing and trying to figure out the secret to motivating my children to DO THINGS without me popping a blood vessel screaming or resorting to violence and/or duct tape. (BTW, I take the 5th on the duct tape)

That's it folks. No great wrap up. No thread to tie it all together just a bunch of stuff that's been going on in my head while I've been not blogging and not cleaning my house.


Carmi said...

I'm sorry you don't live in my 'burg: I'd grab your resume for our company in a heartbeat. I shudder to think of how many amazing people companies miss because they simply don't take the time to look - or to listen.

Their loss. And ours.

I'm wrestling with the timeless better-camera debate. I so want a digital SLR, but can't justify it unless I can show a signed contract for some photogrpahic work. Maybe I'll get a wedding or two this summer. Hmmm....

Whatever happens with your domain host, I've long contended that writers write and photographers shoot. Nothing that happens outside of that reality really changes it. Even if life gets challenging - wait, it already is! - I'll still pick up the pen tomorrow. I'm glad you'll be doing that, too.

The Queen Mama said...

Well, I'm glad you're not giving up the writing and/or the blog. I'd miss you if you left.

Tami said...

Hmmmm - how about a 7 hour commute for a reservations position Heidi? I know, I know, I'm not helping.

Hang in there - the right position will come soon. Perhaps you could think about a seasonal business like mine just for the summer. It will look good added to your resume when you go back to looking in the fall.

MoMMY said...

Carmi - Thanks for the belief I could actually do a job. As for the digital SLR, I'm with you on the justification. That is why I'm currently not pursuing that avenue. Someday...

And you are right - I will write and photograph reguardless of what else I do.

Queen Mama - Thank you.

Tami - I'm there! Wait, the family might not like the fact that I'm not around to drive them to and from all their various activities. And no one would be around to duct tape them to their beds so they sleep and chairs until they do their homework. Not that I do that or anything...

cursingmama said...

How do you not have computer skills? you can turn it on, check email, type a letter, and much more - you have more computer skills than a lot of people. Trust me on this. (If you want to polish them up or learn something new maybe a comunity ed class?)
I'm glad you're gonna keep hanging out with us -I'd miss you tons!

**And good on you looking at school!

MoMMY said...

Cursing Mama - Guess the sarcasm on the computer comment didn't come through. I feel I have quite the developed computer skills. Not that I could do any serious computer stuff but I definitely have the office skills necessary. And the class I'm going to try to take this summer is an advanced Office Suite class so I should have the creds to back up my claims by August. Thanks for the positive words. They are always welcome!