Thursday, July 12, 2007

The Horror

Things I learned today while shopping for a bathing suit (in bullets) (& sub-bullets) (& parenthesis):
  • It never gets easier. Only worse.
  • My thighs should never be displayed in public (or private). It's not that they're huge or anything (not that they couldn't be smaller) but they are:
    • pasty
    • bruised, as in several dark purple bruises
      • and yes, I've been taking my iron and getting my B-12 shots
      • and no, I have no idea where the bruises came from
    • much less smooth (as in frighteningly ripply) than I remember (when the hell did that happen?)
  • I apparently haven't seen my naked thighs in a mirror in a couple of years.
  • It was a rude shock.
  • You totally want me right now, don't you?
  • All the spandex in the world around my midsection will not help my thighs one bit.
  • I paid more money to look hideous than I will pay for almost any other item of clothing.
  • I am returning the bathing suit.
  • The stupid skirted bathing suit that floats up when you enter the water and the "cute" boy shorts that only look good on skinny women who could get away with a thong are not going to work either.
  • I would totally go another year without a bathing suit except I would like to go in a pool with the kids and not be uncomfortable in shorts and a tee shirt.
  • I'm thinking of a redesign of swim wear is finally in order.
  • My ideas for a new line of women's swim wear:
    • <Deleted for possible new business venture. Riiight. Like that will ever happen. My ego, it is huge.>
  • I may buy some of the above items and modify them myself. It can't look any worse than what I just spent a small fortune on and I bet it will be a hell of a lot cheaper.
Does anyone know someone in fashion that could make this happen?


Cursing Mama said...

I wear what I call "The Ugliest Bathing Suit On The Planet" because I will not spend another dime to look like shit. I love your bathing suit ideas - are you sure it isn't a business opportunity for you?

Anonymous said...

Have you been to They have a great selection. I don't think online ordering works, but you can phone in orders. It's definately worth a look. Shirts skirts, etc.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the suggestion!

I went to and found a great selection of swimsuits that are BOTH modest AND stylish.

Now I go swimming with my family every day!