Monday, April 11, 2005


WARNING: I was lying (or is it laying? I never get that right.) in bed. Unable to sleep. My mind racing with things to do and concerns about the children and why God WHY is my iron still low when I am taking 822% of the recommended daily allowance. EIGHT HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PERCENT! And what right do I have to bitch and whine and be depressed and your basic Eeyore personality when I have so much. And I really hate Eeyore types. When I hit upon my lack of career direction and the new direction I'm considering taking and the one I am leaving behind because everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) wants to be a writer and although I can construct a sentence (although not right now apparently) and possibly allow people to read it without them wanting to scoop their eyeballs out with a spoon (and there have been blogs that have made me consider doing this if I don't get it off the screen RIGHT. NOW. - and I'm not talking about the ones that are just not interesting to me. I mean the ones that MAKE ME WANT TO CLAW MY EYES OUT they are so poorly written.) where was I? Oh yeah, I certainly don't have what it takes to write professionally. I seem to be missing the consistency and that something special that many want-to-be and are-right-now writers have...

Wait, this was suppose to be a warning. hmmm... seem to have gotten carried away with my train of thought. I guess that's the best warning there is for the upcoming post. And yes, this is not the actual post. HA! You thought this torture was almost over. And right now you are reconsidering the whole eye thing and wondering if there is a spoon nearby.

I seriously should delete all this and start over but it is 6 hours until I'm suppose to get up and my brain is speeding ahead and I tend to do foolish things when in this state like send hasty e-mails to agents and editors and apply for jobs I'm not qualified for and start lists for projects that seem like such a good idea right now in the middle of the night but come morning I will be so exhausted I will want to laugh at the thought of doing any such project and will never even cross off the first thing on the list and will probably just throw the damn list away anyway because I need sleep damn it and now I'm going to take a nap.

I guess that was enough of a warning. I seem to have run out of steam. Let's see if I can get back to my original idea. It is something I've been wanting to post about for a while but whenever I sit down to write it goes away. Wait. Where did it go NOW?

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