Sick Kid

Zach: "Throwing up is the worst thing that can happen when you're sick besides dying."

Kid Conversation

Things my 13 year old said to me this morning while I took him step-by-step through the process of preparing dinner:

13: Do I have to touch the raw chicken with my hands?

Me: No, it will leap into the pot all by itself. You're just there to watch.

13: Do I put the chicken IN the crockpot?

Me: No, place it AROUND the pot. It cooks better that way.

This may have made my day.

Kid Quote

"Are you Jewish or half and halfish?"
- asked by Zach, age 7

Kid Quote

"It seems the worst day got mixed up with the best day."
-Tyler, age 10

(He's breaking my heart.)

Kid Quotes

These were just reported to me from my husband:

Scene: Van on the way to Vermont. Kids arguing.

TYLER: "Dad, I know you're trying to drown out our voices, but can you please turn the radio down?"

Scene: Top of Mt. Mansfield.

NANA: "Ahhhhhhhhh. Mountains. The greatest thing in the world."

TYLER: "I thought marriage was the greatest thing in the world."

Scene: Hiking down Mt. Elmore

ZACH: "Dad, it's a good thing we're hiking because that boys' bathroom smells Baaaaaaad."

*I must add that neither Jeff nor I really understands what this was suppose to mean. It was very random.

Kid Conversation

Scene: Tyler answers the phone.

TYLER (9): "Hello."

DAD: "What's wrong?"

TYLER: "Nothing. Why?"

DAD: "You sound bummed."

TYLER: "I'm waiting for the point."

death is sure to follow when dad gets home

Kid Conversation

Scene: Dylan(7) & I driving home in the car last night.

DYLAN: "Look! Mom! It's a full moon."

ME: "Oh, yes it is."

DYLAN: "Can I put down the window?"

ME: "Sure." It was freakishly warm here last night.

DYLAN: hands gripping window that is 1/2 down, face turned toward moon "Wooo, wooo, awooooooooooo. Wooo, wooo, awoooooooooo."

ME: "Are you being a werewolf?"

DYLAN: smug, and happy "Yes. Wooooooooooo, wooooooo, awoooooooooooooooooooooooo"

several minutes later

ME: "Can you roll up the window now? I think we've had enough howling."

DYLAN: "One more. Woooooo, woooooo, awooooooooooooooooooooooo..."

If you happened to be driving south on 590 in Rochester, NY last night around 8:30 and saw a child sticking his face up to an open window and howling? Yes, that was us. And yes, this was on a highway with cars zooming by his opened window. I may have been laughing. And I may have been the tiniest bit embarrassed. Shocking, I know.

Kid Conversation

Things that may have been said while first viewing The Great Valentine Surprise 2006:

"Are you going to wash it off?"

"Does Dad know about this?"

"How long is this going to be here?"

"What happens at Christmas?"

"What about when my friends come over?"

"No, we love it. Really."

Kid Conversations

Scene: In car, radio is playing 12 Days of Christmas

ME: What is with all the birds in this song?

TYLER (9 y/o): Don't they need to migrate?

ME: Obviously the guy has never seen the movie The Birds.

TYLER: That's a lot of birds alright.

ME: Golden rings... much better.

TYLER: More with the birds!

ME: What exactly are the maids milking?

TYLER: Cows. Or maybe goats.

ME: I hope she lives on a farm.

TYLER: I still think some of those birds would be migrating.

ME: Why are the lords leaping anyway?

TYLER: They think they're frogs.

ME: Not sure I'd want all those people hanging around.

TYLER: Did she say she wanted all these things?

ME: Pipers would be okay.

TYLER: What is she going to do with all the birds?

ME: Drummers wouldn't be so bad.

TYLER: That's a lot of stuff. He should really ask what she wants first next time.

ME: Remember that.

Kid Conversation

ME: "Why did you get into bed with us last night?"

ZACH (5 years old): "First I got out of my bed then I went out of my room. Then I went into your room. I closed the door and got in your bed. Then I snuggled in."

ME: "Yes, but WHY did you get in our bed?"

ZACH: "Because I missed you. I miss you at night."

Kid Quote

Scene: Getting into his Nana's car to go to swim lessons.

DYLAN (age 7): "Nana, all the girls are craving me."

Kid Quote

ZACH: "I love her, like a bunny loves a carrot."

*said in reference to a girl at school

Kid Quote

"Dad, is my wood longer than your wood?" 

Said by Alex, age 10, on a golf outing.

Dinner Conversation

You now will all see how juvenile I really am.

Tyler had a potato science day at school last week. (Please do not ask what exactly this is. I have no idea - other than what I will mention here.) Each child had to bring in a potato and weigh, measure, and do other things to it that I am not privy to. One thing I do know is they had to name their potato.

Tyler came home after school that day with... Dick. When asked why he named his potato Dick he replied, "It's a big, manly name. Just like my potato."

I was not allowed to cook Dick because he was Tyler's "friend". Until yesterday.

Tyler requested beef stew this week and agreed to let Dick be peeled and cut up and put in the stew. He even watched me make the stew. He named all the potatoes put in the stew. There was Dick (of course), Ricky (the most annoying kid on his bus), Joey, and Samantha.

At dinner last night I had to listen to conversation about the various potatoes. It went something like this:

"I'm eating Dick right now." 

"Mmmm, Dick is good." 

"I'm eating part of Dick right now too. He's sure good." 

"This is Samantha. She is the sweet one." 

"She tastes sweet and soft." 

"Mmmmm, more Dick." 

"Joey tastes good too." 

"This piece with the dark spot must be Ricky. He went bad." 

"Mmmmm, this Dick is so good."

And on and on for about 20 minutes. I couldn't even laugh. Why, you ask? Because then I would have to explain WHY I was laughing. All I have to say is Thank God Jeff wasn't home yet. I never would have been able to contain myself if another adult had been present. It still makes me laugh just thinking about it.

I told you I was juvenile.

Kid Quote

ZACH: "I will squeeze the jelly out of your eyes if you don't let me do what I want."

Kid Conversation

Scene: Dad's office last Saturday.

ZACH: "Dad I just made up a popcorn song. Want to hear it?" 

ZACH *singing*: "Popcorn... is good for you...." 

ZACH (yet again): "Dad? Is popcorn good for you?"

Kid Conversation

Scene: Zach at Jeff's office a few moments ago.

 ZACH: "Dad, I'm bored."
 DAD: "Well, you can color."
 ZACH: "NO. Remember? I'm bored."
 ZACH AGAIN: "Bored means you don't want to do anything." 

 A couple minutes later as he realizes Jeff is IM-ing me. He starts dictating to Jeff... 

ZACH: "Dad, I'm tired. I want to go home and rest on the couch"
ZACH: "I want to tell you to tell Mom."
ZACH: "Say I Love You."
ZACH: "Is there an E on the computer keys?"
ZACH: "Are you having a good time? Love Zach"
JEFF: "Tell her you're going to eat you sandwich so you can have some popcorn."
ZACH: "No."
ZACH: "Are we going to go to Nana's big house? I want to go to the little house. I like the little house more than the big house. Now press SEND!" 

EDITED TO ADD:

ZACH: "I want to say to mom....'Hi Heidi. My name is Zach. Are you having a good time?' Alright Dad? Alright? ALRIGHT?"

Kid Conversation

Scene: Driving home from gymnastics.

Circumstances: Tyler has been learning about deaths in Japan caused by WWII. Elephants and a young girl specifically. (Have I mentioned he's in 3rd grade and I was horrified by the stories he told?)

Tyler: "What is your greatest wish?"

ME (after thinking for a few moments): "That my family stays happy and healthy."

Tyler: "My second greatest wish is to stop war."

ME: "Second greatest wish?"

Tyler: "Yes, my first greatest is to be a Jedi. A good Jedi. With ALL the powers."

He does have all the powers. And he probably could stop a war. I'm sure those of you who know him, agree.

Kid Conversation

SCENE: Dylan walking up driveway in an odd fashion after school.

ME: wave him in, it's COLD 

DYLAN: shakes his head no, looks down and continues to walk in a strange, bizarre waddle 

ME: "Are you liking those boots?" (long story involving usual stealing of his brother's boots) 

DYLAN: "I'm making tracks. Like Peter in the Snowy Day." 

ME: heart weeps in total love "Ohhhh." 

DYLAN: "Don't they look just like Peter's?" working very hard to point feet in then out 

ME: "Yes, they do." more weeping of my heart 

DYLAN: looking back at his tracks "They DO look just like Peter's tracks." beams 

ME: Run to computer to blog about it

Kid Conversation

I now have my husband taking notes of the kids' conversations. I'm so glad because I would have hated to miss this one...

Scene: They had just pulled into the driveway of Jeff's office.

DYLAN: "Who lives next door?" 

JEFF: "His name is Lou. I don't know his last name." 

ZACH: "What about his wife?" 

JEFF: "I don't know his wife's name." 

DYLAN: "How do you know he has a wife?" 

ZACH: "Of course, you know everybody in the whole wide world has a wife. Because they want a baby." 

DYLAN: "Not EVERYONE." 

ZACH: "Yeah, Jake doesn't want to marry anyone. His mom said he could stay in their house forever." 

DYLAN: "That's what I want to do." 

ZACH: "Yeah, so you don't have to dance with Brittany and marry her. And kiss her." *heehee* 

JEFF: "Well, you have a long time before you have to worry about that." 

DYLAN: "How long, dad?" 

JEFF: "Till you're 18." 

DYLAN: "How about when I'm 20?"