The end.

The green snot (sorry mom) is trying to kill me. It will not leave. It also gave me a blinding headache this morning from all its pushing on my brain. I surrender. It may take over my body now. I can not possibly work and get everything else done while it is trying to finish me off. So I guess this is the end...

Holiday Weekend

Wow. I was totally knocked for a loop this past week. And no, it wasn't because of the new job. This cold is killing me! The headaches. The loss of voice. The gucky green snot.

And then the weather had to put it's two cents in and go from the 40's a week ago to 90 yesterday. Let's just say I felt like someone had poured molten lead into my limbs and chest.

On a good note, we had almost no obligations. This never happens. Usually the kids keep us running and running and running. Sunday we attended a nearby brunch with my parents and later a b-b-q at my mom's. Monday the boys all marched in the parade. A parade I can lazily walk down to the end of the street for with my cup of coffee, see some friends and walk home. Then my in-laws had a b-b-q last night. My life is rough, I know. In between all this being fed and such? We hung out at home. I was too headachy and exhausted to do anything so I watched the kids have a water balloon fight, read a book in bed and did a minimal amount of cleaning and feeding. Oh, I did give the boys haircuts.

I seriously can't believe how damn lazy I was. But it was seriously nice. Today though? Back to our regularly scheduled program of school, work, baseball and trying to decide what to feed everyone. Oh, and I should probably shop. We have NO food.

Thanks for reading another installment of "My life's so glamorous. You totally want to be me."

Kid Scare

My oldest is now wearing my college sweatshirt.

Where I Finally Mention Mother's Day

First, go vote. I'll wait... no really, if you haven't voted, please vote...

Back? Thanks. Yes, I'm a whore for the feedback. It's just the way it is. I'm even willing to take feedback that tells me how much you hate my photos or which one you hate the most. I'm really okay with that. Of course, I say that now. Now before anyone spreads the hate. But still, I'd love to hear from everyone and I know I have a couple more readers than those who've voted. So you, yes you, the one reading right now that hasn't voted? Take a minute and vote. I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks.

Now, where was I? Oh, yes, second, Grey's Anatomy. Ah, so much happened in those 2 wondrous hours. And I would like to thank the network for getting it on the air on time and not making me stay up until all hours of the night to watch. *sigh* As far as a recap with you all, I think I'll save it. I'm still processing. Let's just say I was very angry at Christina and bawled quite profusely at the end. Now all of you who haven't watched it on your technological miracle called TiVo, watch it now so I may discuss without giving it all away. Also, if you were able to not watch it last night when it was on? WOW! You are strong willed to wait. I couldn't have done it.

Third... what was third? Shit, I can't remember. Oh yes! Mother's Day! I bet you are all wondering how someone whose blog name has the word Mom in it and MoMMY is her name can forget to mention Mother's Day. Well, I didn't. I've just been a bit busy. And yes, it was a good Mother's Day. I'm finding they get better every year. Or I'm lowering my expectations. Or both.

So Mother's Day... I was the first one up so I had to make my own coffee. Which is fine because then it was just how I like it. And it was QUIET. Ahhhh...

Then I got ready for work. Work on Mother's Day? you say. Yes, work on Mother's Day. The 2 littles woke up right before I left and one told me he loved me from bed and the other (Zach) jumped out of bed and rushed to give me the present he made at school - a pin which I wore to work. Quiet drive to work. Ahhhh...

Work was quiet because I had no classes and only had to do some paperwork and get the library ready and tidied up for the summer. When it is closed. (It is working out nicely that this job ends for the summer at the exact time the new job starts.) Half way through my morning the husband and kids showed up for Sunday school. The husband and youngest were even wearing ties for their brunch with my MIL. Very handsome those two. Then I finished up my quiet day at work. Ahhhh.....

After work we were all off to the Lilac Festival. Some of you may recall my inordinate amount of photos from the festival last year. The majority of the photos disappeared in the great loss of 2005 so I had to take many more. The children were not amused. In fact, they were whiney. They were clearly flaunting the Mother's Day mandate of 1812 that says children should not whine to their mother's on Mother's Day and should do whatever their mother wants. Clearly flaunting it. It was sad really. The torture I forced them to endure - HA! Apparently I am a horrible mother. But then my MIL took us out to lunch and once my offspring were fed they were much more enjoyable. So thank you my MIL!

After a bit of browsing at the booths it was decided (not by me) that we must get home. So home we went. And since lunch was around 4 there was no dinner to make. (And just so you know, we didn't starve the children. They had eaten around 11 &/or 1:30 - packed PB&J's or just PB's as not all of them will eat the same thing. Of course.)

At this point it was PRESENT TIME! YAY! I do so love presents. And even though I thought the purse I bought the other day was my present. I guess it was more a present to myself as they got me a hanging pansy which I will promptly kill and an espresso pot that I wanted and am enjoying and will hopefully not kill. Ever.

Then they played a modified game of baseball in the backyard while I cleaned up the kitchen. Where it was fairly quiet. Ahhhh....

At last it was time to put them all to bed and watch Grey's Anatomy. Yes, the greatest Mother's Day present of all - Grey's. Okay, I'm just kidding. The handmade cards and pin were the best presents of all. The coffee pot rocks and spending the day doing nothing more taxing then walking around and fighting crowds with the family were the best presents. But the show was a great end to the day.

So now I'm off to enjoy another latte in my very own kitchen and put the littles on the bus. Then I shall do some paperwork I've been putting off and CLEAN. MY. HOUSE. The dust bunnies have taken over and are threatening to bar me from the computer. Actually, they like the computer as the more time I spend on it, the less I clean them up. But today! Today I'm staging a revolt and I'm ousting the wee buggers. Ok, I'll admit, they are not wee buggers. Let's just say I mistook a dust bunny for one of the children the other day. And it wasn't the little one either. I'm not telling which kid it was though. I think that may be a bit TMI.

2 Words... or Many More, Whatever

I have 2 words for you...

Grey's Anatomy

If your not watching? Why the hell not? And if you are? Can I just say I bawled last night. Yes, I know it's just a TV show and not even one of those reality things but please! You'd need a heart of stone not to react. Those last few minutes? Heartbreaking. This show is so, so good. And even my husband who HATES the show with a fiery passion (he pretty much only watches Alias and Scrubs so therefore does not *gasp* watch much TV - and why again did I marry him?) felt a little something at the end of the show. Even he was sucked in. I watched him ignoring his book to watch the heartbreak unfold. Almost the entire show even. Amazing.

Also? My husband was nice enough to make jokes afterward to try and distract me from my horror that was watching Izzie LOSE. HER. MIND. Just what was she thinking? And Burke? Looking dead on the ground? OMG! And we must not forget Meredith and McDreamy as they both realize they are both still in love. Addison? She broke my heart. Really, I so want her to find happiness and I never thought that would happen. Then there was George always knowing what just to say to the patients to get them to do what they need to do. And yet in real life? He's not always so quick with the words. Although I am noticing him having a backbone now. Callie? She so wants to be part of the family and she was trying so hard with Meredith. It was all just, just so good. I may have to weep again if I think about Denny giving in to Izzie. She is breaking my heart with her desperation. And he broke my heart a little when he made us realize he would do anything for her. Except - apparently - save her medical career.

So yes, you really need to watch if you're not. And if you do? What did you think of last night's episode?

One last note: THANK GOD they are not making us wait until next week to see the 2 hour season finale. And if you even think about trying to interrupt me between 9-11 tonight? I will kill you. Or just completely ignore you and then kill you when it is over and I'm most likely sobbing again. Consider yourself warned.

News!!!

I got the job!

The one with the perfect hours and the cool job responsibilities (computer woman!).

It doesn't seem quite real yet.

I also found 3 pairs of pants, 1 skirt, 1 shirt, 2 pairs of shoes and a new purse. It was a good shopping day! I'm thinking the planets finally aligned.

Tomorrow I'm off on a field trip with the oldest (the last one for at least a year for me :( ) and then Friday is paperwork, physical, drug screening day. I'm thinking it will seem more real then.

Oh, and I need to go through my calendars and reschedule a half dozen appointments scheduled in the mornings for the next couple of months. But YAY! a job. And I will reschedule anything to get out of having to look for a job one more minute.

Shopping

There is no news. No shocker there. But, I am going shopping today for clothes. For me. In case I actually land a job sometime this century. I have NO work clothes. And, I have no work SHOES. Yes, shoe shopping. Which sounds like great fun except I have the widest feet on the planet and none of the lovely shoes out there ever fit me. So it is sad and stressful. Not only do I not fit in the clothes I want but I don't even fit in the shoes I want. I may have to get a purse just to make me feel better.

Oh, but the best part? The clothes (at least some of them) will be bought by my mother as a belated birthday gift. So YAY! No money, no job BUT new clothes.

If I can find anything that fits. And doesn't make me look as wide as the side of a barn. Or as lumpy as a loaf of lumpy bread.

I just remembered I hate shopping. GAH!

And The Job Hunt Continues...

Let's just say that this morning I was done. I was sick of the "try to look at the bright side"-ness of it all. I guess you could say I'm an optimist. I always try to appreciate what I have when everything turns to shit. I always try to see how good will come out of the bad. I always do that good thing/bad thing thing. But not this morning. This morning I was pissed. I was pissed and unhappy. This whole job hunting thing got to me. I was hitting rock bottom.

I've been doing a full on search for a job for 4 months. FOUR. MONTHS. Not looking for jobs that require degrees. I have a degree but it's a BFA which means shit in this world. So no jobs that need a specific degree. I've applied for jobs that require a high school diploma and a bit of experience. Jobs that require the ability to answer phones and use a computer and send a fax. Jobs that will train and jobs that are almost all part time. I'm talking jobs I am actually qualified for. And let me mention... I'm not a good liar. I didn't lie on my resume. DID. NOT. LIE.

So I spent 2 months with no responses. None. Not one. Then I got 4 calls in 2 days. The tides had turned. I usually interview well. People can see I'm not full of shit when I say I can do something.

Let's just say that it is now a month later and I still have NO. JOB. Why? I'm fairly intelligent. I'm well spoken. I don't believe I had any snot hanging out of my nose during the interviews. I showered. I kept it together, was confident and did not babble. I HELD. MY. TONGUE. I have a blog. You must realize I have a tendency to talk.

Still, nothing.

Today I had yet another interview. This was with 2 more people from the hospital. Now, just so you all know, I've worked in a hospital before. I enjoyed it. I did it well. I breezed through my first 2 interviews and was left with the impression they wanted to hire me. Then... nothing. Then they notified me that the hours had changed. Was I still interested? Yes! I need a job people. And even though the hours weren't as great as the first set they were still doable. Then nothing.

Then a week later I got another call. They switched the hours again. To hours I simply can't do. 2:30-6pm M-F. Hours that mean I will miss everything with the kids. Hours that mean I will not being earning what I need to earn to keep us afloat. AND I will still be home during the day, alone, going insane from boredom. I. CAN. NOT. STAY. HOME. ALL. DAY. ANY MORE. I NEED A JOB! So I said no. Then I cried. Then I called back and said, "Yes, I'll keep the final 2 interviews."

Because I need a job. And maybe someday I could get my hours changed.

This brings us to today. It brings us to me once again trying to look at the positive and how I could make this all work which brings us to the tears at the thought of leaving my babies. Which reminds me that I have PMS and have been crying at the drop of a hat for days which makes me worry I will cry in the middle of the interview if things don't go well. Then I get a bit pissed. And I decide I'm tired of trying to focus on the good. Things are shitty and I should be able to say - things are shitty. So yes, things here are shitty.

And then I get the desperate sweat thing going. So now I am sweating. I am running late - LATE. For a job interview. Then a v-e-r-y s-l-o-w o-l-d p-e-r-s-o-n is in front of me and I AM LATE. Lovely. More sweat.

I'm thinking I have actually hit the bottom of the desperation scale. And yet, I have that slight fear that it could get even worse. And we know I'm afraid of angering any of the Gods - as in the - You thought things were bad before-Gods, HA! I shall show you-Gods. So, trying to tread carefully in my anger and self-pity.

Well, I arrive. Sweaty. Late. And yes, the HR person notices I am late. So I'm off to a great fucking start. And then? I babble. And sweat. But it seems to be going well other than the occasional mental "SHUT. UP. SHUT. UP. SHUT. UP!" Why can I not just shut up or talk more slowly. **Frame of reference: I grew up in New England and I can speak at approximately the speed of light. Many people can not understand me when I'm going full tilt. Which I was at many points during the interviews.**

The good news (see, here I go again): I think it went well other than my obvious desperation. The guy who has final say seems to want to hire me. And possibly in a different position with better (re: perfect) hours.

The bad news: Nothing is decided and I may have a heart attack before it is. Also, nothing is decided and they could decide to hire someone else and then I shall be screwed.

More good news (can. not. stop. myself.): I've begun applying for yet more jobs. So there's that.

The bad news: I'm strung as tight as a wire and very nearly vibrating with... well, with something. I'm not quite sure what. Whatever it is, it has me wound so tight I may snap at any moment.

The last bit of good news (please send help): I don't feel like crying anymore.

Good Thoughts

Please send good thoughts my way. I really, really need them.

I have another interview today. And the job thing? Messing me up and not going well. Lots of highs and lows. I will explain it later. Maybe. If I'm up to it.

Anyway, good thoughts. Please.

Thank you.

Sanity Is Starting to Return

Things seem a bit settled in the MoMMY household. The crisis seems to have passed although there are still unavoidable discussions to be had. Looking back I can see hormones, hypogycemia, parent/child conflict, insecurity, exhaustion, power struggles and sibling stuff all having a roll in last night's escapades. So yah, a lot of stuff coming to the boiling point all at once and exploding.

Now is the calm after the storm. And as much as I wish it was over I'm sure there will be ripples for some time. The first ripple being that I ate my body weight in Parmesan Basil Wheat Thins. (They are NEW! and YUMMY! and so new I can not find any mention that they exist on the internet!) So now we are all reminded: WE MUST. NOT. ANGER. THE PARENTING GODS. ANY. MORE.

In other news, I have an appointment next Tuesday with the HR dept. at the hospital where I have been hoping to be employed. So YAY! I think it may actually happen. Me. A job. A chance at a bit of sanity. Because now that the kids are in school all day? I am going out of my friggin MIND. Yes, there are a million things I could and should be doing. But I hate all those things so I don't do them anyway. Now at least I'll have less guilt about not doing them.

Assuming nothing goes wrong.

And I get the job.

I yet other news, Amanda Sue requested the delicious recipe from the other night. It was for Smoky-Spicy Black Bean Quesadillas from Vegetarian Times online. And no, we aren't vegetarians but I do enjoy a good meatless dish now and again.

And now I must cook for children who will refuse to eat and anger me.

Letter to the Parenting Gods

Oh ye parenting Gods, I apologize. I'm sorry. I take it back. I shall never say I do not worry about any of my children again. Really. I promise. Just please put them back the way they were.

Wait, it seems you have. The one that went off the deep end yesterday? He is fine today. Fine. Nothing wrong. Nothing to see here, move along.

While I, I am a mess. I'm about to break down in tears at any moment. The stress of his outburst last night just about killed me. For real. He was leaving and not coming back. He was not going to school, he was not coming home. Ever.

Now this may be cute when a five year old says it but when an eleven year old who walks to and from school says it? Also, when he is not screaming it and instead is saying with a calm determination? It is scary.

Why all the drama? I'm not even sure. Something about the baseball game not going well. And possibly a thoughtless comment by someone. He was ready to quit the team, quit the flute, quit anything he's involved with because it is just too much. I think he was trying to quit the family too but I wouldn't let him.

Oh, then he threatened his brother who got scared enough to PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. Yes, my sweet boys threatened each other and then one of them punched another IN. THE. FACE. Which only caused the punchee to threaten to kill the puncher who then was afraid to sleep in the same room or even BE in the same room as the punchee. Death threats were flying - and we do NOT allow death threats in this family - parents were becoming raging lunatics because of said death threats, screaming was occurring, tears were flowing. It was ugly. It was late. It was never-ending. And it was exhausting.

And then everyone went to sleep in their own beds and woke up all sunshine and roses. Except me. I want to sleep for a week. And cry. But first I have to get everyone on the bus.

Question

Is there anyone out there who doesn't have issues with food?

The Good and The Bad

The good news is the bathrooms are no longer hazardous. I actually did a little cleaning yesterday.

The bad news is I didn't walk. Well, actually, we did walk to Tyler's chorus concert and back. BUT, walking with 4 kids on the way to an event where you will see people you know and have to sit all packed together in an auditorium? Is not that much of a workout. Besides, I think the stop for ice cream on the way home negated any and all good the walk did. Think there is anyway a 1 mile (round trip) walk can make up for 1 good sized scoop of ice cream? If you were wearing heels? I will say my feet hurt when I got home. Unfortunately, I don't think pain burns calories.

The good news is I'm hoping to walk today. With the dog and no children.

The bad news is there will be no walk to baseball tonight because the game I'm attending is in another town. The drive alone takes 15 minutes. On country roads. I'm thinking it will be over 15 miles. I know I can't walk that far and who has the time?

The good news is I tried a new recipe for dinner that I found on the web yesterday. It went over fairly well. Jeff and I loved it. Most of the kids ate it and it was pretty healthy and easy to make.

The bad news is it was so good I ate 2 servings. (I only had enough points left for 1 - this was BEFORE the ice cream) Oh, and it had cheese in it. Fat, fat, fat. But mmmmm, yummy.

The good news is this boring post is over.

The bad news is I will probably write again tomorrow.

Medicinal Walking

The walk seemed to help push the feelings of not being good enough out. Actually, it's more that it pushed all thoughts out. I listened to music and walked the dog and took loads of pictures. Yes, that was me slinking around your yard, sticking my camera in your flowers. I was waiting for someone to come out and yell at me but no one did. I think it helped that most people were at work.

I came home and edited them on the computer, washed the dishes, made dinner and walked to Zach's first t-ball practice. I really think there is nothing cuter than a bunch of 4 & 5 year olds standing around their coach anxious to play. The only thing that freaked me out was all of the bat swinging. Metal bats. It seems they were injury free though. At least last night. Tomorrow is another story.

The team crowded around my husband.
Click photo for more pictures on flickr.

So really, other than the fact that I have avoided all housework and the bathrooms are hazardous, things are going well. I have also heard a job may be in my future. Not as close a future as I was hoping but my future none the less. So there is that. Maybe.

Oh, and I didn't eat my body weight in food yesterday. So there is that too. Now if I could just replicate all that with the cleaning of the bathrooms I'd be happy. Oh, and no baseball - just a chorus concert. And swimming lessons.

Taking a Walk... and It's Not Down Memory Lane

I was thinking about what to write today and had this whole thing in my head about being good at stuff, just not good enough. Then I realized it would sound whiny and 'whawha poor me' and who wants to read that? (even if that wasn't what I was intending it to sound like) Someone would think they had to reassure me and someone else (hi hubby) would say I sounded like I was fishing for compliments and GAH! I don't need those kind of comments. So I'm going to take a walk instead.

You may check out some fabulous people on my blogroll if you're looking for an entertaining or thought provoking read. Or you could go take a walk too.