Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A Bit of Catch Up

School starts in 8 days. EIGHT. DAYS. And I'm excited. (Which you expected.) But I'm sad. (Which stuns you.) And it makes me wonder why I didn't go back to work sooner.

The shiny newness and excitement of work has dulled a bit but I still like it most days. The 2 days I spent last week without a single thing to do have been replaced with more than I have time for. Ah, the way this world works always catches me off guard until I think about it and wonder how I could possibly still be surprised.

In other news...
The children are well. Alex did not break his toe. Tyler's migraines are under control. All four children's teeth are clean and x-rayed. And plans for Tyler's birthday party are under way.

No one has killed anyone and they have been playing nicely together. I think it may mean the end of the world is near.

My life, it is exciting.

It is also time to start the planning and preparing for my other job. And, I. AM. NOT. READY. This working thing is really a lot of, well, work.

So now I start the intricate scheduling of the activities. The activities of four active children. Four children that do things like Hebrew school and gymnastics and cub scouts. And now I have a regular job. And the planning for the "other job". And let us not forget the volunteering in the children's classrooms. Yes, I thought I'd get out of it but it seems they will MAKE IT WORK so I can come in to at least my youngest's class to help out. yay.

And also it seems the boys' team at the gym is much larger than in the past. So now, instead of pretty much showing up whenever there is a class scheduled we needed to not only register for class (as in the past) but register ON TIME. This also means the classes we wanted are full. FULL. And I'm really not sure the other classes will work in our schedules. Let's say it together... this causes me S.T.R.E.S.S.

One last thing...
I'm pretty much against the whole concept of Mommy guilt. Nursing vs formula, co-sleeping vs in the crib in another room wars. I don't buy into the whole I need to meet their every single need. Or I yelled at them and now they are scarred. I really try to be a good mom and I think overall I am. Most days. People make mistakes and children learn lessons. (side note: I just spent a very long time looking for my bad Mommy award posts and CAN NOT FIND THEM. So, please imagine me doing dumb things like forgetting to pick my kids up from rollerskating and forgetting to send in special items for school, etc.)

I will say that every now and then I become convinced that I'm forever damaging my children by some behavior or other that they will take to be normal and then will act that way as adults.

For example, we tend to be hard on our oldest. He is responsible and trustworthy and eleven. Sometimes we have been known to yell at him for doing stupid shit. Normal kid stuff. Then he turns around and does the same to his brothers and I cringe. He is so hard on them.

It also shows when he accuses us of being harder on him then the others (we are). I am the oldest and I know part of that is just being the oldest. I also know that I need to back off. And I do try. But some times at night while I'm lying in bed I become convinced that it may be too late. I may have irrevocably damaged him and it is all my fault. He will forever have self-esteem issues. AND IT IS ALL MY FAULT. And I CAN'T FIX IT. I'm TOO LATE.

I have RUINED. MY. CHILD.

And my heart hurts. And I cry. And I feel that sensation of wearing my heart on the outside of my skin and all those cliches of how it feels to be a mother. And I never want to leave them again.

I'm not ready for school to start.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Kid Quotes

These were just reported to me from my husband:
Scene: Van on the way to Vermont. Kids arguing.

TYLER: "Dad, I know you're trying to drown out our voices, but can you please turn the radio down?"
Scene: Top of Mt. Mansfield.

NANA: "Ahhhhhhhhh. Mountains. The greatest thing in the world."

TYLER: "I thought marriage was the greatest thing in the world."
Scene: Hiking down Mt. Elmore

ZACH: "Dad, it's a good thing we're hiking because that boys' bathroom smells Baaaaaaad."

*I must add that neither Jeff nor I really understands what this was suppose to mean. It was very random.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Searching...

I usually try to stay away from seeing the searches that bring people to my site as it tends to disturb me. With all the posts on Google hits people are getting I thought I'd bite the bullet and see how many pervs were searching for "Speedo" and Speedo related searches. Over a year since I wrote the damn post and they are still pouring in. Amazing really.

According to my site meter's keyword stats I may as well be running a porn site. Really.

Did you know that I'm #7 on Google for Mommy got f*cked?

How about that I'm #1 - #1 baby! - for pissing childrens (do I need to say it was not an English version)?

I'm also #3 for hot moms doing it.

Still the most hits come from people looking for Speedo or other less savory Speedo related searches. -- As a side note: This post also generated my first hate mail. Made me laugh really. I even *gasp* responded in the comments because, do I need to say it? The Blogger profile was a fake. I'm sure Robert never came back though because I never heard from him again.

And one of the newest one's I've seen is mom pissing me off. Again, I'm #1 for that. And really, it's no surprise. I'm sure I piss a lot of people off.

My favorite though?

I'm #2 on Ask.com for why does your nose make boogers?

I think that one really captures the spirit of the site.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Knitting!

My God, while she's been gone it's turned into a knitting blog. GAH! Save my eyes!!!!!

But, well... no. Not really.

In reality, I had big hopes for my blogging career this week. The children AND the husband are camping in the wilds of Vermont and I was going to blog, baby!

So what happened you ask?

My internet connect bit it for the last THREE DAYS. I know, it's amazing I'm not dead. Although I think I've lost my last reader. But that's okay because I blog for myself and I care not who reads my blather. Or something like that. Or maybe not. I need affirmation. It's true. Sad. But true.

Anyway, on with the knitting. I'd love to say in my absence I was knitting but alas, no. Not that either. I was actually trying to fix my internet connection and burying myself in sudoku to dull the pain.

But before, before the children left, I was knitting. I've been on a knitting binge! And now to show you what I knit.

First I thought I'd try something easy. Quick. Knit it right up...

Now realize these took me approximately ELEVEN HOURS to make. No, really. I'm totally not joking here. Booties are f'in HARD, man. That and I'm a S-L-O-W knitter.

Then I found a kick ass knitting book called Stitch 'N Bitch. Awesome and cool and oh, so hip. So I tried to make a baby hat for my soon to be nephew. Behold the hat:

Yes, there are two hats. That would be because I made the first one and MY GOD, it fits my 7 year old (except it's too short). So then I made another. Let's hope the baby's head is tiny or it will end up being for one of the kids' dolls.

Also, the photo does not show the true color of the hats. They actually match the booties. So, because I couldn't get a good picture of the hats at their true color - here is a swatch of a color much closer to the real thing - yet frustratingly still not exact:

Now I think I will go to bed and clean tomorrow. I keep saying I'm going to clean the house while thye're gone but I seem to have run out of steam. This may be due to the fact that I'm overdue for my B12 shot and they couldn't fit me in today. WTF? Or maybe I'm just really lazy.

If anyone wants to chat yarn or knitting, let me know. I'm loving the sueded stuff I'm using and adapting patterns (which we can all see is not working out so well). I also pink puffy heart circular needles.

*Please keep in mind I am a novice. Hear me? N.O.V.I.C.E. I do not know what I am doing. Please be kind when judging my knitting. Oh, you know you are. You so totally are judging right now.

**Those last two lines are a take-off on some lines from a movie. But HA! I shall never tell which one.

***Really, I'm not insane. Just tired. My GOD, the tired.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Creative Cycles

Carmi over at Written Inc. was talking about creative cycles this morning and it got me to thinking. Well, actually it hit me over the head and said, "You must expound on this topic." Because really, I've been meaning to do a post on this very thing for years a very long time.

I guess it starts with college. I was an art major so my creativity was being tapped on a regular basis. Once I got out of school I got a job in a creative field. Well, it took a while but it did happen. Then, about 11 years ago I left that job to spend more time with my oldest. I worked with kids and used quite a bit of creativity dealing with them. Plus, I was in a baby fog of love. I was totally in love with my offspring and busy and my god! pregnant by the time he was a year. So busy.

By the time I was pregnant with my third though I was getting the creative itch. So began the scrapbooking. And the writing. I continued with this for a few years and then replaced the scrapbooking with card making because good lord, who has time to scrapbook with 4 kids 5 and under? Cards took less time and you had something you could give away. Fun.

About a year later I was done with cards. Burned out if you will. So I started with the jewelry. And that meant I had gifts for holidays. Bonus! But again, a year later I was burned out.

Then came the web design, marketing my photography and always the writing.

Last year I quit the writing. This year I quit the photography. I write here for myself and photograph when the mood strikes but no more marketing myself. I hate it and it was going nowhere.

The web design has been resurrected for my job and knitting is my new creative outlet at home.

So, what causes this? I have no idea. It may have something to do with the way my brain works. It may just be the way some people are. It's not to say I never make cards or design jewelry but I do them for a specific purpose now. Not just to do them.

As for the scrapbooking... well, let's just say Zach still has no photo album and no baby book. I know. I'm a terrible mom.

But my soon-to-be nephew? He totally has a pair of booties and a new hat!

Ack! This is getting long and not very interesting so I shall go and (I'd like to say knit) clean some more of my house. I'll tell you more about my brain later.

To make this more interesting, I'd like you to tell me what your creative cycles are like. Do you stick to one thing? Do you switch it up? How often? What is your creative passion(s)?

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Old News

Whenever I hear something new I always feel like it isn’t really new. It’s more new-to-me and if I mention it everyone will roll their eyes and be all, “Duhhhh! That is so old news.” I think it may have to do with the fact that I spent most of the past 12 years in a kiddy cocoon.

Kiddy cocoon? Let’s put it this way…

In the first 6 years I spent raising my children things CHANGED. No, really. First they had to sleep on their side propped by little foam triangles. You had to keep changing sides so their heads wouldn’t get flat. Then they were supposed to sleep on their backs and Good God DO. NOT. EVER. PUT. THEM. ON. THEIR. STOMACHES. What? Are you trying to kill your child? Then they needed to be on their backs but have tummy time. And then I threw away every last parenting book and magazine and figured if I hadn’t killed the first three, I wouldn’t kill the last one. And that my friends is just putting them down to sleep.

Forget all about the dangers of walkers, the fact that if you used an exersaucer they would never walk, and I’m sure the discussion went on but at this point I decided to stop listening to all the hype and duct tape the children in the exersaucer so they would never walk. End of discussion.

Now we are in the baseball, soccer, gymnastics, swimming lessons, cub scouts, Sunday school, doctor appointments, dentist appointments, orthodontic appointments, and most recently summer school, summer recreation, and tennis lessons.

Hello? I have my hand on the pulse of my calendar. Not anything else in the world. But I’ve started feeling like I’m breaking from the cocoon now that the daily maintenance has diminished.

So what am I trying to say?

I’ve been wanting to comment on things going on in the world but I always feel like the eye rolling will commence and you will all click away in a wave of disgust. I have also decided to start commenting on the world around me again because this is my blog and I think you are all kind enough not to send me photos of the eye rolling (although I’m sure you look pretty doing it – and my, have you lost weight?). At least with the clicking I won’t really know unless you take the time to comment about my untimeliness and really, most of you don’t comment anyway so I don’t see you commenting about this.

But now I must go and post this before it becomes old news.

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Bullets

To get that horrible, bad vibe post off the top of the page and without enough time to devote to a real post, I've decided to give you a couple of bullets.

  • I am in the process of switching banks. The evil M&T should be gone from my life in the next 2 or so weeks. 
  • I have been knitting. A lot. I will post some pictures later for your viewing pleasure. Or maybe just for my own damn self so I can remember that I actually MADE stuff. BTW, booties are f'in HARD. And I said booties - hee! 
  • I've been getting B12 shots for the last 3 months. I was weaned down to once a month and I couldn't make it. I hit a wall after 3 weeks. GAH! Now I have to start back at every 2 weeks (and possibly continue with that schedule). I am TIRED. I can't believed I've been living like this for the past however many years. Damn, no wonder everything seemed like such an effort. It was! And I thought I was just lazy. (Which, I am a little but not like I thought.) Now I know how people actually DO things. 
  • August has arrived. And with it the killings begin. - I am not talking about me killing anyone. The children are starting to try to off each other. I expect the conflicts to continue to escalate over the next 4 weeks. All a.m. summer activities end this week. It does not look good. School is our only hope. 
  • How did I survive before I had to leave my family every day for work? This job is helping my sanity on so many levels. Although, I think if I worked full time it might cancel itself out. 

Speaking of jobs...

Bullets

To get that horrible, bad vibe post off the top of the page and without enough time to devote to a real post, I've decided to give you a couple of bullets.
  • I am in the process of switching banks. The evil M&T should be gone from my life in the next 2 or so weeks.

  • I have been knitting. A lot. I will post some pictures later for your viewing pleasure. Or maybe just for my own damn self so I can remember that I actually MADE stuff. BTW, booties are f'in HARD. And I said booties - hee!

  • I've been getting B12 shots for the last 3 months. I was weaned down to once a month and I couldn't make it. I hit a wall after 3 weeks. GAH! Now I have to start back at every 2 weeks (and possibly continue with that schedule). I am TIRED. I can't believed I've been living like this for the past however many years. Damn, no wonder everything seemed like such an effort. It was! And I thought I was just lazy. (Which, I am a little but not like I thought.) Now I know how people actually DO things.

  • August has arrived. And with it the killings begin. - I am not talking about me killing anyone. The children are starting to try to off each other. I expect the conflicts to continue to escalate over the next 4 weeks. All a.m. summer activities end this week. It does not look good. School is our only hope.

  • How did I survive before I had to leave my family every day for work? This job is helping my sanity on so many levels. Although, I think if I worked full time it might cancel it's self out.
Speaking of jobs...

Friday, August 4, 2006

ANGER = RANT =

Go away if you are happy, I do not want to ruin your day.

The anger is giving me a headache. Seriously. And I do not have high blood pressure. Well, until this moment.

When I was a child/teen I would cry when I got really angry. It was an involuntary reaction that usually made me more angry because nothing is worse than being angry at someone and then crying in front of them. I have not cried in anger in years. I’m very close to tears right now.

If M&T bank was a physical entity in front of me right now it would be dead. And dismembered.

I am not exaggerating for effect. I am that angry.

I do not know how they can call what they are doing legal. I just don’t know how this can be an actual business practice. How do they still have customers and how has someone not torched the place yet?

I can’t even call and bitch because I would not be nice and I know the poor person on the phone did not make the rules. It is not their fault and I don’t want to be mean to someone who is just doing their job. Of course if I knew who planned this I would gladly hunt them down and kill them give them an earful.

What is it that I’m so angry about? What has inspired this wrath?

  1. When asking them to send a check to someone they look at the date you enter to pay the bill and then estimate when they need to send it so it will get there on time. What this means: I want a bill sent on 8/4 (Friday, when we get paid) and they send it on 8/1 when there is very little money in our account. You say, adjust your payment schedule. I say, I have always had to figure on the time it takes for a bill to be paid, I should not have to figure out how long THEY think it will take to arrive.

  2. When they send the check on 8/1 they remove the money from our account and put it in a “special” account. Our records show the bill has been paid even if the check hasn’t been cashed. HOW IS THIS LEGAL??? When I asked what happened if someone didn’t cash the check for a month they told me the money sat in the “special” account. Not OUR account. A “special” account. If we wanted we could call and find out if it cleared and if it hadn’t we could stop payment. HELLO? Am I the only one who finds this completely INSANE? We don’t get to know when checks clear unless we CALL THEM? They get to hold our money in this “special” account. What the fuck?

  3. Because of this insanity, they refused to pay 2 of our bills, charged us 2 NSF fees ($19 each) and say our account is $400 overdrawn. They also show that we have $600 in our overdraft account (not being used). If they had proceeded in a sane, coherent, not fucked up way we wouldn’t have even touched the overdraft account. Or they could have paid at least ONE bill. Or they could have jumped off the top of a very tall building so I would not have to hunt them down and KILL THEM.

And NOW, I am ANGRY. Very angry. And NOW, everyone else is pissing me off. I hate people. Not real people as in the poor saps who have to answer the phone when I call just so they can pay their mortgage but the people who came up with this fucked up insanity. Since I’ve been at work I’ve gotten angry at the people behind website designs and the NYS Health people who designed some fucked up system they want us to start using and well, EVERYONE who is acting INSANE and FUCKED UP.

I need a drink and it’s only 11 in the morning. And also? I’m afraid to work on anything because everything I touch has gone wrong today.

Tuesday, August 1, 2006

I Am Dead

I melted.

Then I evaporated.

I am now one with the pea soup air. The HOT pea soup air.

Or, I've just been busy.

One of the things that has kept me busy (besides kids and work and the rockin' HARD booties (hee, I said booty) I knit) has been playing a of couple games a company called Snap TV sent me for the kids.

The games are played on the TV with the DVD player and remote. They sent me a game called Eco-Rangers. The verdict from the kids? The questions were good for the 7-11 year olds - too hard for the 5 year old - but the graphics and music were aimed for the younger set. Overall the kids liked it though.

The other game is called family showdown Kids vs Parents. This was fun although the parents don't get a turn until the kids miss a question. This means they can win with the parents never even getting a turn. If it switched after the each level I think it would be more interactive and entertaining for everyone. Other than that though, the kids enjoyed it. The questions worked for everyone (remember we had all age groups) although it seemed some of the kids' questions were harder than the parents'. Again, it was fun. We all played together and enjoyed ourselves.

Overall I would check out other games by Snap TV. The kids liked them although they were educational and with my kids that's a hard sell.

So there is my bit of selling myself for free games for the kids. Now I must feed the children and take them to soccer. Of course, I'm dead, so this is going to be tough.