Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The Holidays...

... they are not over.

No, tonight! we celebrate! again! with family!

The good news...
I don't need to cook a fancy dinner.

On Friday, we celebrate! again! with family!

The good news...
Once again, I'm not cooking. AND, it's not at my house.

The biggest hit of the holidays so far?
A $1 Scooby Doo Bop Bag.

I should have guessed. (and saved myself a lot of money)

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


And the Winner is....

The winner of the 'who shall be sick for the holidays' lottery is...


With what?

Strep throat.

And in who is a close second?



Strep throat.

Now if you are wondering why Tyler only placed second, I shall tell you...

Zach had a raging fever Christmas eve. Had to be carried downstairs on Christmas morning and slept through dinner and the family gift exchange. SLEPT. THROUGH. PRESENTS. To be more specific - HIS presents. Even through several attempts at waking him.

Tyler on the other hand was sick since Friday. He missed school but has been acting fine. And he FEELS FINE. Really. He's fine. FINE. I tell you. Until you look at his nasty throat. And the ugly white patches that match his suffering brother's so perfectly.

So? Tyler places 2nd for appearing/acting fine.

They both get to take medicine though. EVEN if he is FINE and doesn't need it. (according to Tyler)

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Merry Chrismukkah!

I must squeak in a moment to say Happy Holidays to you all.
(Just for you, you religious Christian zealots! No Merry Christmas from me. HA!)

In fact I shall add...

Happy Chrismukkah!

May your holidays bring peace and harmony to the family and a whole lot of fun!

Now I must recheck Norad for the kids (Santa is in Cairo!) and bake a few more dozen cookies. (approx. 12 doz. down, 5 to go) And, oh yes, rearrange my oldest two's bedroom. (They have wonderful timing.)

Have a great holiday everyone!

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Holidays...

... we are a'ready.

The relatives are arriving.

It has been declared by my oldest that we shall wait until Christmas Eve to decorate the tree. (Amazing that my procrastination has turned into a tradition. As much as the youngest insists it needs to be done NOW or there will not be time - the others want to follow what they call tradition. YAY me!)

I have just realized the baking has not been done. Or the materials purchased. Hmmm...
what to do? Looks like today will be a shopping day. And tomorrow will be a baking day.

Also? The Christmas dinner food... not purchased. ACK! MUST. GO. SHOPPING. Two days before Christmas. I think I have a death wish.

The house is mostly clean. Maybe by the dim lights of the tree no one will notice the floors. Or not. Since Christmas dinner is during the daylight hours. Ah, I shall give each child a Swiffer product and a room and let them go. The floors will be cleaned in no time.

Today is the last day of school before the holidays. YAY! Good, because I can shop alone. Bad, because enough already with the school.

And now for an unbelievable announcement...
My second grader was given a packet of homework to do over the holidays. This would also be the teacher I'm not all that fond of. HOMEWORK. OVER THE HOLIDAYS. for a SECOND GRADER. I have determined he is trying to kill me. He is evil. AND he obviously HATES me.

Gee, let's give the parents work. Because we all know that's what it really is. Not like I can sit him down alone and be all, "okay, do your homework while your brothers and I go play and have a wondrous time with family we only see twice a year. Just ignore your Aunt and Uncle. Their dogs and your new cousin. Your Uncle Mike and Poppy. Just do your homework."

Right now I'm thinking of "losing" the homework packet. What do you all think?

And last but not least...
A child was up barking all night and having trouble breathing. No, not the asthmatic child. The gymnast. He is sleeping now and missing his pajama/game/reading/popcorn/hot cocoa day. But I hear no barking from his room. AND. The hubby took the day off and can stay with him while I shop. All-in-all a good day ahead. We hope.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

My Beautious Wreath

The holidays are making me go all Martha Stewart.

Okay, maybe not.

But I did make this wreath.

I know you want to make your own.
What no? Well, I'm giving you the directions anyway.
  1. Take one old grapevine wreath from basement.
  2. Dust wreath.
  3. Throw away small branches you have broken off.
  4. Arrange large branches to glue back on.
  5. Buy approx. $10 worth of decorations.
  6. Burn self on hot glue.
  7. Make bow.
  8. Burn self again.
  9. Use about $6 worth of decorations.
  10. Burn self again.
  11. And if you are me - yet again.
  12. Hang on door and hope it distracts from the fact that you haven't finished stripping it.
  13. Clean window before photographing so people don't think you live in such squalor.
  14. Post to blog and leave a comment here so I can go see it.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Conversation with... Myself

The wrapping?

Yes, it's done.
No, stocking stuffers do NOT count.

The tree?

It's up.
What do you mean is it decorated?
Well, the star is on it.
Of course that counts.

The Halloween flag?

Yes... the Halloween flag is down. I should find the flagpole any day now.
I bought a new one - What else could that mean?
And... and!!! I made a wreath tonight. No really. I did. And tomorrow I shall post a picture.
And yes, the garland and lights are on the porch.

The inside decorations?

Not so much.
But tomorrow. Really. Tomorrow is another day.

The shopping?

I think I'm done.
I AM NOT kidding.
I repeat NOT. KIDDING.
Stop laughing right now.
Of course... I need to make sure I have enough to fill the stockings.
But really, I should.


That really isn't fair.
No, I have NOT started food shopping.
Plenty of time.
PLENTY. I tell ya.

And last but not least...
Teacher gifts?


Monday, December 19, 2005

Apparently I'm feeling rather chatty today. So now, you must be subjected to yet another post.

I realize I alluded to a lot in the last posts and said exactly... nothing. Sorry about that. Nothing annoys me more than reading someone's blog and not have an f'in clue as to what they are talking about.

So in the interest of full disclosure...

My horrible husband brought me home a cake last night. A CAKE. For my birthday. How dare he.


The children? They were being loud. LOUD. And not staying in their seats during dinner.

*much more coughing*

The cardboard boxes in the laundry room waiting for the recycling truck? Fell over. All over the floor.

*sound of crickets chirping*

What? This doesn't send you into fits of rage?

I must say, at least I saved my physical abuse for the boxes. The children and the husband were yelled at and berated.

Push the stockings aside. We need more room on the mantle. We have the latest Bad Mommy Award to find a spot for. Oh, and let's not forget the Bad Wife Award.

But the suggestion I mention?

A good friend suggested I decorate the cake for my oldest's real birthday on Thursday. So now? I'm happy.

Oh hormones, you are not my friend. (Except for the fact that you keep the facial hair to a minimum.) So this is what the beginning of menopause is like? And you say it lasts about 10 years? (At least with pregnancy we knew it was only 10 months of psychosis.) Is it possible to order our very own padded room? A substitute mommy? All suggestions welcomed.

The Bad Wife is Back

and she brought with her the Bad Mother.

How ungrateful can one woman be? And exactly how loud can she yell?

Did you hear that screaming wretch last night between about 6pm and 8? Yes, that was me. Apparently the world was ending and no one informed my family. Or something like that.

Or maybe it was just the fact that I speak and NO ONE LISTENS. It seems the expiration date on this one hasn't passed. I should probably save this berating of myself until the anger is further past its prime.

Just to note: I do feel bad that I was a screaming lunatic yesterday. I wish I could take it back.

On another note: I also wish I was not a ghost around here. No one seems to see or hear me unless I put forth supernatural exertions. It makes me want to cry. Or maybe that is still related to this.

Friday, December 16, 2005

The Bad Wife Steps Aside

Yes, usually I am a bad wife. I like doing the laundry. But the cleaning? Not so much.

Really. I hate it.

But these last few days while I've been quiet here? I've been CLEANING. For real. Actual scrubbing and sweeping and using all my lovely Swiffer products I've touted so much. Except my favorite Carpet flick because we are talking vacuum type cleaning people.

We are even talking using the extended handle duster to get the cobwebs on the ceiling. Yes, that kind of cleaning.

So there is still no tree in the house. BUT! I did spend 2 hours polishing our dingy menorah. Yes, I said it... TWO! HOURS!

What about the gifts you ask? Mostly bought. And the newsletters? Sent.

But the most impressive (read: obsessive) thing I've done? Dug out our 'office' room - also known as 'the dumping ground'. Now I'll admit it isn't perfect but the floor and the desk tops and the table tops? They are visible and clean and I can FIND THINGS.

One last thing for today...
I'm worried for my life. The oldest boy is having his 11th birthday party today. There will be three of them going to a movie and sleeping over. That means by dinnertime there will be SEVEN boys at my dinner table. One with a terrible attitude. He is NOT a TEENAGER yet. Stop with the attitude!

Oh, and my Halloween flag is still up. I can not find the damn flagpole and I just don't think using the broom will work as well for the holidays as it did for the Halloween witch flag. Shut up! I will not take down the one and have no flag up until I find the pole. I'm not climbing up there more than once. And now? Lots of ice and snow. So it is too cold and dangerous. Leave me alone. At least my bathroom sparkles.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Soundtrack of My Life

I've been listening to an old tape from my younger days. Brings me back to the strength I felt back then. The possibilities. The opportunities. The whole 'plenty of time' to do what I want, achieve what I want, time. The 'I can conquer the world' or at least 'achieve anything I set my mind to' time in life.

It scares me that that time is gone. I don't feel that way anymore. But the tape helps me get through my days and gives me a bit of that feeling. And if I don't analyze it? I can keep that feeling for a while. I'm more productive, more upbeat and more in tune with my life. Ah, the powers of music.

Well, that whole tape thing was wearing on my nerves. It was copied from an album. Yes, an ALBUM. I am that old. The sound quality was horrendous. I have no ear for these things and the sound quality was so bad that I had to upgrade. Yes, that bad.

So I looked for the CD. Does no one sell this CD anymore? I mean in real stores because I really didn't want to have to order and wait for it to come. At the time it seemed too important to wait on. Too vital to my mental well-being to have to wait. So I performed my first download. YAY me!

I won't get into my complete lack of understanding of the whole licensing thing. I just don't get how the technology works. But I have the music on my computer. On a CD and on my MP3 player so I'm set.

The thing is... I SWEAR TO GOD that I used to listen to this in high school. More specifically Junior/Senior years. The thing is? According to the info? The original album was released in 1989.

89!!! I was in college in 89. I was not hanging out with the same people in 89 as I was in 87-88. The one person I credited with introducing me to most of the music I still love from back then? The person who's memory I link to this album was not in my life any longer when it was released.


This means that my memory is so unreliable that I can no longer believe ANYTHING it tells me. Maybe it's better that my phenomenal memory of yesterday has been replaced with a giant colander. You know the one - the one with the BIG holes. The one the pasta slides through.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Sucky Holiday Spirit

I'm trying really hard to get into the spirit of things. Really, I am. But for some reason it's not happening.

I made my lists. I'm listening to the music. I got out the decorations. I've done most of my shopping. I even started to decorate.

But the spirit? Not to be found.

I really wish it would come out of hiding. I don't think I've listened to this much Christmas music in my whole life combined. I'm cramming the music down my own throat to force the feelings and it's just not working.

I either want to cry or forget the whole thing. I'm not sure why. At least if I knew why it might be more bearable. I don't feel like I need the antidepressants any more. I really don't think it's that. I just want to find the spirit.

I want it to be fun and magical for the kids. I'm trying to fake my way through but I'm wishing I didn't have to. I suppose I should just suck it up and be grown up about it. Who cares if I'm not in the spirit. As long as I fake it well. I need to stop analyzing my feelings and just do what needs to be done. Crying be damned.

I will admit a big part of the problem is financial. You'd think it wouldn't bother me as we have the same problem every year. Every year I have to put aside what I'd like to get for people and find something less expensive. And then hope we can still pay our bills. Which this year - not so much.

Financial ruin is near and Chrismukkah really has nothing to do with it.

All I want for Christmas is financial solvency or a really good plan to get there.

Or just some holiday spirit. You know, whatever you got.

Saturday, December 10, 2005


Why is it every time I got in the car or changed the radio station It's Starting To Look A Lot Like Christmas was playing?

I no longer like that song.

Kid Conversations

Scene: In car, radio is playing 12 Days of Christmas
ME: What is with all the birds in this song?

TYLER (9 y/o): Don't they need to migrate?

ME: Obviously the guy has never seen the movie The Birds.

TYLER: That's a lot of birds alright.

ME: Golden rings... much better.

TYLER: More with the birds!

ME: What exactly are the maids milking?

TYLER: Cows. Or maybe goats.

ME: I hope she lives on a farm.

TYLER: I still think some of those birds would be migrating.

ME: Why are the lords leaping anyway?

TYLER: They think they're frogs.

ME: Not sure I'd want all those people hanging around.

TYLER: Did she say she wanted all these things?

ME: Pipers would be okay.

TYLER: What is she going to do with all the birds?

ME: Drummers wouldn't be so bad.

TYLER: That's a lot of stuff. He should really ask what she wants first next time.

ME: Remember that.

Friday, December 9, 2005

What is wrong with my kids?

The older two had orthodontist appointments this morning and were hurrying me along to get them back to school.

Apparently, they have been replaced with pod people.

The Good & The Bad

The good news...
Most of my holiday newsletters are ready to be mailed.

The bad news...
I ran out of ink to finish printing the rest.

The better news...
Alex does not need braces.

The worse news...

The best news...
It is NOT a snow day here.

The worst news...
I must go shopping today. Shopping in the month of December - YUCK!

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Crying My Way Into The Holidays

Something is seriously wrong with me. Really.

I cry at the drop of a hanky these last few weeks. No, I'm not sad. Not sinking into the depression again. But seriously I cry at EVERYTHING.

Last night may have taken the big, dripping tissue (ew, no, not dripping with snot - dripping with tears). I was watching My Name Is Earl. What can I say, I love me some Jason Lee even with the hairy, scary mustache. And it MADE. ME. CRY. I'm truly pathetic. When the kids were dancing Christmas morning? I was crying.

Now you're wondering if I'm a big crier. And I'd have to say, not really so much. Yes, when I get really emotional I cry. Really angry - cry. Really hurt - cry. Really sad - not so much crying. Really emotionally touched - cry. These last years though the crying has only appeared in the most severe of situations. But these last few weeks? Making up for lost time apparently.

Take yesterday for example:

10:30-ish: Funny Chrismukkah song - cried. (WTF?)
12:30-ish: Christmas song - cried.
2:30-ish: Yet another Christmas song - cried.
5:30-ish: News story of how 7 year old girl saved father's life - cried.
9:50-ish: Kids dance in joy in Earl - cried.
10-11-ish: Cried repeatedly during Boston Legal as young boy was abducted and I was so worried a fictional boy might be sexually abused and/or killed. Then the fictional boy was rescued and I cried again. Although? Laughed harder than I have in recent memory when pretty-boy lawyer (Brad Chase/Mark Valley) chopped off a priest's fingers. Okay, it doesn't really sound funny but trust me - hysterical.

So what is the deal? I'm spending much time and energy trying not to cry and I have better ways to spend my energy. Have I mentioned I have not even gotten out a single box of decorations? Not one. So I really need to redirect all that energy. Any suggestions?

Saturday, December 3, 2005

The Month of Presents

It has begun.

Actually, this year the Month of Presents is whittled down to the Three Weeks of Presents. Not too bad. It also begins later. So much the better.

Our Three Weeks of Presents or TWoP, as we shall now call it, begins December 16th with my oldest's 11th birthday party. Ah, 5 boys, movies, pizza, sleepover - it shall be such a joy. *cough, cough* Add my 2 youngest into the pizza/sleepover mix and I predict very little sleep shall occur.

We then move to family arriving and Christmas. We then segue right into Hanukkah. It's almost seamless this year. Our own personal Chrismukkah.

Which, if you hadn't realized, is what we celebrate here in MoMMY's household. This year it is taking us right into the new year.

My husband is lobbying for celebrating RamaHanuKwanzMas. Actually, I think he just likes to say it. Yes, we find fun in the saying of words. You can say it... geeks! Just try saying onomatopoeia though. Fun, isn't it?

So, the TWoP begins in mere days. Wish I had all the needed presents purchased.

If you don't hear from me for a while - send help. I may be crushed by a toppling tower of gifts.

Friday, December 2, 2005

My Body the Rebel

Thanks to those who advised me. I must admit, I haven't called the doctor yet.

Because! I feel better. Really. Much better than yesterday. And although my kidneys tried to escape out my back last night they still felt better.

And this morning? I got up, picked my kidneys off the bed and shoved them back in. (Duct tape has so many uses) And now? They are feeling fine. Fine, I tell you!

In a bit of slightly alarming news, I went to the bathroom while out shopping yesterday and there was blood. BLOOD! Once I shoved my heart back into my chest I realized, Gee, it's about that time isn't it. It's been a while since my girliness has been hanging around. So, false alarm.

And today, much better. Maybe it was the pressure of a full uterus. Maybe my body just felt like rebelling. Maybe it's waiting until the weekend to kill me. Right now I'm going to see how it goes.

Thursday, December 1, 2005

I'm In Pain

I'm having a bit of pain in the lower back today. I noticed it two nights ago when it woke me from my sleep. It seemed to be better during the day yesterday but by last night it was screaming at me again. This morning, after my back pulled me from sleep several times, I realized it was not my back in the way we think of back pain. Not muscle pain or spinal pain but different. And I started thinking… kidneys?

So to check and see if my kidneys are indeed where I thought them to be - because let’s face it, I never did all that well in biology and that was many, many years ago – I hunted down Dylan’s model of the human body. Well, to be truthful it’s a model of the head and torso, apparently the arms and legs are not all that important. BUT! For my needs this is fine. I then hunt down the little cards you stick in the back that light up the corresponding part and Whala! location of organ.


Except, there is no card for kidneys. There is one for the brain and one for the liver. The stomach and the heart have cards. Even the SMALL INTESTINE has a card. Why does the small intestine get a card and not the kidneys? Why? I ask.

So on to Google…

Okay, I was totally right. I had the location and appearance and function correct. YAY me! I must mention that they FEEL much larger than 4in beans when they hurt.

**SIDE NOTE: Dear Mrs. A – I totally deserved an A in Biology. Sincerely, MoMMY**

**ANOTHER SIDE NOTE: So what if all you people out there in internet land already knew about kidneys. I was right too!**

Now I must ask WHY do they both hurt? And who has been punching me repeatedly in them? I drank a lot of water yesterday and with all the cranberries I ate over the holidays they should be lovely and clean. (The cranberry relish I make is the best thing EVER!) 

So my question to you, fine friends of the internet… should I call the doctor or wait?

**ONE LAST SIDE NOTE: This is to get me back for canceling a doctor’s appointment I had on Tuesday. Ever see an appointment with the doctor on your calendar and not know why you are suppose to be going? Well, happens to me all the time. So I cancelled it because I felt fine. FINE I tell you.**