Friday, March 31, 2006


Tell me it is not really Friday. Tell me!

It is much too soon to be Friday. I have too much to do. I've had such a busy week and now the kids have the day off of school and I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!

Apparently someone is trying to kill me with all the stuff I must do. Add to that the weather is PERFECT with a capital P. We're talking shorts and t-shirt weather. I want to go out and play. I do not want to Spring clean my bathroom and do eleventy million loads of laundry. But... time to go and get it done...

Later! I hope you all enjoy the weather (if it cooperates).

Thursday, March 30, 2006


I really had to comment today about Lost. Really. Because O.M.G! Did you see last night's episode?

That map and the lockdown.

The whole 'who is Henry Gale' thing.

And Locke. I really like Locke. I always have. He really needs to stop being so trusting though. Also, I kept waiting for them to show us why he was in the wheelchair. I mean with him possibly needing it again and all. But no dice. So I sat on the edge of my seat and every flashback they showed I waited for it to happen. hmmm...

As for the whole poker thing? So what. It was nice to see Jack acting like a human again and not so controlling bully but really, he was still in control and it just didn't do it for me. Can't this guy ever NOT be in charge?

So in all? Glad I'm still watching. I still think we better get some more answers quick or I may have to hunt down the writers. But it felt, at least for last night, that they're moving the story along again.

Comments? Thoughts? What did you think about Lost last night? Do you watch it? Do you still watch it? What's the 411 on your Lost viewing?

In Other News...

Anyone whose been here a while knows I speak of my children as annoyances. They bug me. They bug each other. They really friggin' bug the crap out of me! Most days.

But lately I've been feeling rather sappy towards them. Really. That whole 'when your child is born you start wearing your heart on the outside' thing? Been feeling it lately. Not that I didn't feel it when they were born - but for a while there? It was gone. I was trying to get through my days. Many days I no longer remember. Many years that are a blur. The whole 4 kids under 6 thing? Blur. Elementary schedules, preschool schedules, nursing schedules all at the same time? Blur. It may have gotten better when the third went off to kindergarten but that is about when the depression set in. So? Blur.

Blur. Blur. Blur.

But now? Now I feel like I just woke up. And there are these kids. Four of them. And they are big. And they are growing. Growing taller and growing up. They are also growing away from me. Not a lot. Just a bit. But still. The older two (11 & 9) walk home from school every day. Every day they spend a bit of time with a bunch of other kids. Unsupervised. What do they talk about? What do they do to each other? Who knows. I'm sure they curse and complain and I KNOW they talk about the online computer game they all play.

I know they need this time to grow. I know as they get older they will spend more and more time with their friends doing their own things. And now I know why it is so hard for parents to let them go. I really didn't get it until just now. Really, this very minute.

When I think back to my own childhood, that is what I remember. The times on the bus. The times in school. The inbetween times. The times it was just my friends and I.

I keep trying to remind myself the kids NEED this time. They need to have unsupervised time. They need to venture out on their own. Make their own choices and make their own mistakes. And as long as the time is limited and monitored, I need to see if I did my job and taught them well.


So much can go wrong. But it seems to be more wrong to not allow them this chance to test their wings in our little town. In our small neighborhood. In our community where they know so many people and all the parents are looking out for them. It seems like a safe gamble. But yet, it's still a gamble. I'd like to say I can't gamble with my kids' safety but just having them is such a gamble. And waiting until they are grown to give them freedom? It seems like a bigger gamble.

So, I'm convinced it is the right decision. They must unfurl their wings. Bit by bit. I've spent the last 11 years monitoring their every breath. Now they must breath on their own. And of course, I must watch like a hawk for the results.

Not Again...

He just called me AGAIN. Seriously.

Yet More about the Teacher

Thanks to all of you who reassured me. I know that I'm doing the right thing. But of course, I'm always questioning if I'm being one of those parents. The ones that nag and interfere and make the teacher's life miserable. I really don't want to make his life more difficult.

Also, to be fair, I must mention that the call I received yesterday was not bad or annoying. He was checking on Dylan because he was the sick child I mentioned. Home from school with a fever and headache. He wanted to know if he should send work home if Dylan was out again today and to tell me that it was fine if I wanted him to talk to my SIL I just needed to make sure I signed the release form.

And the best part? It was the first time he spoke to me without the undertones of condescension or superciliousness or even insecurity. I'm wondering if he talked to his wife about it. Or maybe he talked to some of the other teachers in the teacher's lounge (I know many of them). Maybe someone convinced him I wasn't unhappy with him but just wanted to help. Maybe he realized his first reaction was a bit of an overreaction. Whatever it was, he seemed to speak to me in a normal tone. He seemed willing to help. He seemed to not think I'm an overreacting lunatic. So all is good. Well, all except Dylan is still behind and I'm not the best person to help him as we tend to war over work. But, whatever. I have the support of those around me. He's got the brains. We've got until September to catch him up. I think it will all be good in the end.

So, in closing (No, I shouldn't have been a lawyer. I just play one on my blog - HA!), I may be a bit excitable when it comes to my kids' educations. I may be willing to call everyone and anyone I think can assist with advice and/or actual support of their learning.

Besides, he still calls me 10x's more than I call him. So if anyone's a nag...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

More Overreacting... or not

Here I am, not blogging again. I have much to do and no time to blog. And my sick child? He wants me to lay with him and watch a movie. But I am too busy. See? No time to blog. Only time to sweep, and dust and empty the dishwasher and reboot the laundry. NO. TIME. TO. BLOG. Sheesh! What do you people want from me? And the sun? She is waiting for my basking to begin. I MUST go bask in the sun's glory before she decides to hide behind some clouds again because I've hurt her feelings. I'm serious. It's happened before.

I must tell you that I just got off the phone with Dylan's teacher. Yes, just now. I was a bit nervous when I realized it was him because after the message he left me on my answering machine yesterday I was not sure I was up for handling the conversation I was sure was going to happen next and this is a really really long and improperly punctuated sentence. Whew! So yes, he called me Friday and Tuesday and now Wednesday. Apparently he missed the letter I sent. Did I mention he needs to STOP CALLING me?

The call Friday was about the missing glasses. The call yesterday was about how I was overreacting about Dylan being behind in the reading program and he would speak to Dylan's aunt who also happens to be a second grade teacher but I was totally overreacting and if I wanted to talk to her about it, it was fine (thanks for the permission Mr. Teacher) but I would have to sign a paper about him speaking to her and why, WHY am I speaking to everyone but him about my son?

Except that I spoke to him about Dylan at the conference. Then I spoke to him on the phone about my concerns and THEN I called and spoke to other people, who in turn wanted to speak with him. Now, I have to say that I think he is doing a great job with my son. My son is behind because of his behavior. We ALL know this. He has "holes in his learning" because of this. He is doing well catching up. BUT apparently I am overreacting because I do not want him entering third grade behind.

In the words of Mr. Teacher, "I think you are getting ahead of things. He is not years behind, only months. And he is catching up. Let's wait and see how he does before you get all worried."

In my mind, months behind is bad enough. In my mind, every month he is behind just puts him further and further behind as the years go on. In my mind, I am not overreacting but trying to be proactive and fill in the gaps in his learning NOW. Before it puts him behind in other subjects. We all know how as the kids get older the curriculum relies more on their reading ability. This will eventually affect all areas of school. I think we should start helping him catch up now. Not when he is YEARS behind. I am not faulting the teacher (although I think he is, all at once, arrogant and insecure - he seemed to know all and now seems threatened by my wanting to help fill in the holes in Dylan's education).

So tell me... all you experienced parents and teachers:

Am I overreacting? Is it wrong to want to get a second opinion from a family member who knows more about this than I? Is it wrong to want to find ways to help him catch up now/over the summer? I'm not talking sitting him down and drilling him day in and day out. I'm talking about having a plan to work with him over the summer to bring him up to speed so he can begin third grade where he needs to be. I'm talking about learning some tools to use to help him. And I'm definitely not talking about spending hours at the kitchen table trying to teach him. I may have mentioned I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon and never read again rather than work with him. But I'll do what I have to do. I'm not feeling so panicked anymore. But not being a 1/3 through the curriculum when the school year is 2/3's over? There is no catching up. There is just falling a bit more behind every year.

Again, I'm asking for your opinions. I want to hear your wisdom!

She's ALIVE!

As the saying goes, "The tales of my death are greatly exaggerated." Or something like that.

I am still alive! Just not blogging. (see me not blogging?)

Why? Why, you ask. Well, it's been like this...

Spring cleaning of master bedroom, family in town, work, job search, finances, cleaning, laundry, orthodontist, book fair, Hebrew school, family still here, sick child, etc.

Now do you see?

See how blogging just DOES. NOT. FIT? Aggravating, yes. Have I had things to blog about? Yes. Do I remember any of them now? No, of course not.

And Spring has deigned to make an appearance. So I must partake in her splendor. How? Walking my son back to school after his orthodontist appointment yesterday and walking to the book fair and back. Time I could have spent blogging. Or not. My mental health needs sun and fresh air more than blogging at this time of year. MUST. MAKE. UP. FOR. LONG. AND. DREARY. WINTER. It's true. I actually live somewhere that has more overcast days than Seattle (for real). The sun shining is an instant holiday around here. Especially this time of year when we are just coming off the previously mentioned long and dreary winter. And the sun! It is shining! YAY!

Friday, March 24, 2006


Dear Mr. Dylan's 2nd grade Teacher,

Please stop calling me.

Please stop saying, "We have a conundrum. We couldn't find Dylan's glasses in his backpack today. We don't know what happened. He seems to have forgotten them."

Please stop telling me it would be beneficial for him to have a pair of glasses to keep in school.

Please, for all that is good and holy, stop making me tell you he has an eye appointment in 2 weeks and will get another pair of glasses AFTER his appointment. Unless of course, you would like to spend $200 on a pair of glasses now. A pair that you admit will probably not be strong enough.

One last thing, STOP CALLING ME before I reach through the phone and strangle you.

Thank you.

Dylan's MoMMY

Thursday, March 23, 2006


Caught doing a headstand in the stuffed animal bin
while the kids were getting on the bus.

And yes, it's a pink doll in a house full of boys.
It was mine when I was little.

Also, she is facing front.
Seems someone thought she needed the J.Lo look
and put her outfit on backwards.
Good thing she has no cleavage or this could be X-rated.

I always knew they came to life
when no one was looking.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Help a Mom Out

Something else that has been on my mind as of late has been the boys and their various academic achievements or lack there of. Parent-teacher conferences were last week and that always makes me contemplate how they are doing and what and if I should be doing something more.

Now for the most part the children are brilliant. The older two are getting almost all A's and where one of them isn't it's not because he can't but because he deems the work dull or beneath him or something - I have no idea what - but he has the ability. And as important as grades are and as much as we're trying to teach him that he needs to do his best even if he's not interested, I feel confident that with time, age, maturity he will do better. Again, the ability is there.

The youngest is excelling at school. He delights his teacher and surprises her with his abilities all the time. He teacher is also someone Alex had in 2nd grade and whom we love. She is enthusiastic and understanding and has 5 - yes, FIVE - kids of her own ranging from about 14 - 3. He's expected to be 2/3's of the way through the 1st grade reading program by the end of the year, his kindergarten year. He's doing mental math. He doesn't use his fingers - I used my fingers until I was about 34 - and when playing Yatzee with my mother he was able to add his dice and not count the dots. He just did it.

So far so good.

Then there is my Dyllybean. He's distracted. He's stubborn. He also has the ability. He's even been tested to make sure he has the ability. That statement right there should give you a clue to what we are dealing with. HE HAS THE ABILITY. Most days he doesn't use it. Most days he is contrary and demanding and drawing pictures of what he wishes life were like. A life that apparently includes him saving an old woman who falls into the ocean.

By: Dylan, age:7
Drawn on an index card
while he was suppose to be paying attention
to a lesson in school.

So while contemplating the conference I have started to panic. Ability is turning out to not be enough. He is falling behind in reading and writing (reading & writing = slooow). His math skills which he struggled with last year are going strong (math = quick). YAY! Did I mention he is falling behind in reading. READING. And by falling behind I mean he hasn't passed all of the exist skills in the 1st third of the second grade reading curriculum. This also means that at this rate he will not be half way through the 2nd grade reading program when he enters third grade. The ability part means he does not qualify for special services to get him where he needs to be.

PLEASE, do not say it. I would love to work with him at home. Or rather I'd sooner gouge my eyes out with a spoon and never read again then work with his stubborn self. Just getting him to do his homework is a struggle of epic proportions. His homework is usually math. The book reviews his teacher wanted done? Took HOURS. Really. A title, main character and a couple of sentences about the book took HOURS to complete. I don't have it in me to work with him. He wants to play and play and did I mention play and not work when at home.

My husband says he's just obstinate. My husband says he was the same way. When I ask when he changed he replies some obscene age that, well, I'll be dead by then. That is all you need to know. When I ask how we handle it he replies he doesn't know. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

I was the mostly A student who got a B when I was bored and didn't want to put the time in. I did my homework in school so I wouldn't have to bother with it at home. I'm not proud of the fact I didn't get better grades when I could have if I'd just put in the time but I can relate. I can use that knowledge to try to inspire the other kids. I have a base of knowledge here. I know they will get into college and if, unlike me, they listen and major in a profession where there are actual jobs, they will be fine. Good Lord I hope they listen better than I did.

But Dyllybean... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIM. Is it too much to hope he will turn out as well as my husband? Are hopes and dreams enough? Isn't second grade too young to start giving him doomsday scenarios about his lack of a future if he doesn't buckle down? Would it even make an impact? Do we have to just keep at it and hope he outgrows this? Anyone got any experience here? Anyone have any ideas? Come on, help a mom out.

**UPDATED TO ADD: The picture was never completed. He was going to draw himself saving the "old lady" but his teacher confiscated the drawing (and gave it to us at the conference).

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

On My Mind

I've decided to shut down my website. Stop doing art festivals. Go back to taking photographs for myself again. I'll keep my blog. I'll start using my photo blog again - if I feel like it.

But! Not yet. My contract for the hosting and domain are good until January. So barring any miraculous and sudden fame and great wealth, I'll be closing up shop then. People could still order prints through the blog but there is no need for me to spend the cash on the website.

The pining for a better camera? Not so much anymore. I still like my camera and if I'm not going to sell the photos for commercial purposes, there is no need. Maybe if I ever get a job and we get on our feet financially I'll get one. If. Big IF.

Now the writing... I'd like to say I'm giving that up too but every time I say/think that I send something out or talk to someone about writing something else. So? I'm not going to stress about it. If I feel like doing it I will and if not, I won't. I know, duh! Sounds so simple, sounds like how any rational person would approach things. Have I mentioned I'm very rarely rational?

Right now I need a job. That is still bugging the crap out of me. I have a college degree and I can't get a PHONE CALL about maybe, possibly talking to someone about answering their fucking phones or typing their correspondence or filing and faxing their documents. It is very obvious I have no computer skills. Ahem. Not that they would know if I have phone skills because they haven't fucking CALLED me. *cough* Right, sorry about that. Did I mention I was feeling peaceful?

School... I'm applying for financial aid. Applying to school. Well, I'm more looking into all of that then actually doing it right now. I am going to sign up for a course for the summer. An online course through the local community college. Then I'll apply for aid and acceptance into an accounting program. Or maybe I'll just take the first class and see if I like it. See if I can even do it. Because as perfect as it sounds? I'm a bit scared it will be too hard. That I'll hate some hidden part of it or it will just be too damn HARD for my atrophying brain. I mean it's been THIRTEEN and 1/2 years since I was in school. That is a mighty long time. And the last eleven years have been spent wiping butts, being a human cow, feeding, clothing and trying to figure out the secret to motivating my children to DO THINGS without me popping a blood vessel screaming or resorting to violence and/or duct tape. (BTW, I take the 5th on the duct tape)

That's it folks. No great wrap up. No thread to tie it all together just a bunch of stuff that's been going on in my head while I've been not blogging and not cleaning my house.

In Other News...

Sunday night while watching Grey's Anatomy? I think I fell in a little bit of love with Denny. And I know they are going to kill him off because he is just doing a guest thingy. And I shall be crushed.

At Peace

I had a bevy of things to write to you about (I've been collecting them) and last night they all flew from my head like the resumes have been flying out of my printer, quickly and abundantly.

So now? Once again, I've got nothing. Except a sort of peaceful feeling. Yes, the Queen of Discontent, the Queen of Indecision, the Queen of Many Paths is feeling peaceful. Strange, but true.

I'm not sure why and I'm not sure I want to question it. I like it. It feels sort of like when I first went on the antidepressants. A feeling of calm came over me after the first couple of days. I felt like I could just appreciate my life, the kids, my husband again. Like I had woken up from a long sleep. I feel that way again with no medical intervention. Not to say I haven't yelled at the kids or freaked out about anything because I have. But I seem to get over it mid-yell, mid-freak. I'm liking it and I hope it doesn't end soon.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Still a FREAK

So I wrote about what a freak I am the other day and now I was just musing about my new diligence (read:obsession) with our finances and getting out of debt and the budget I made that I'm actually checking with almost every freakin' day. It was at this point that I realized, the parking lot thing is just the crunchy coating on the outside of the freak.

Oh, the many ways in which I am a freak. No, I shall not list them. Not right now at least. But the financial thing is getting a lot of play around here. I'm determined to get us into a good place financially and much like weight loss (which we will NOT be discussing right now *cough* whole bag of Robins Eggs in one day *cough*) it is one of those things that seems so overwhelming and so unattainable that in the past I have just given up. But like weight loss, if you don't start doing something about it, it will never be better and even if it takes a gazillion years, you MUST START. So this year we started.

Unlike the past where I made a budget and went over it in tears and promptly threw it away, this year I have coddled it. I have adjusted it. I have petted it's little figures and plumped and diminished its categories to streamline it. It is approaching a thing of beauty.

My poor husband has been badgered for receipts and questioned about cash. And cried at, yes cried at, because I could not pin down exactly how much of the cash he spent on gas and why did he not deposit the expense check for $24.31 so I could track it. And how will our budget ever recover? Have I mentioned I. AM. A. FREAK? That I'm a bit OBSESSIVE?

Yes? Well, see. I was not exaggerating.

I have also learned from this that I have until July to start getting another paycheck. That means all those people not giving me jobs? Are making me weep. But, it also makes me feel better to know that I have a little, very little, bit of time to acquire this new job. So people looking to hire someone? MAKE IT ME. This job hunting/applying thing is taking up SO MUCH FREAKIN TIME! And my house? Looks like a tornado went through. This tornado also seems to have made the bathrooms disgustingly dirty. Wait, where was I? Ah yes, the job search... making me more depressed by the day. No wait, not where I was planning on going with this...

Let's see, I will try, the obsessed freak that I am really thinks accounting is the way for me to go career wise. Of course, since I've known my husband I have thought I had found my calling about eleventy billion times. Or maybe it was just five or six. But still, I've only known him for 12 years. I average a new career path every 2 years. The man is a saint for putting up with me.

Okay, this whole post has degenerated into a unfollowable (It is a word now.) stream of conscience thing. I will go.

But first! Does anyone want to share (in comments or on your own blog) what makes them a freak? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Someone help a freak out here. Make me feel a little better about my freakish self.

And last, I would just like to add that I did NOT puke from all the robins eggs. Although? I wish I did. They made me very sick. But not sick enough to not eat the last two the next day. And please, for the love of all that is good and eggish - do not forget my warning about pseudo-robins eggs.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Where I Reveal To The Internet Yet Another Reason I'm A FREAK

I was driving home today and needed to stop at my mom's. I missed her road - not the freak part yet - and realized it just a bit down the road. I was at a perfect place to turn around. No oncoming traffic, empty parking lot, 2 entrances and/or exits. So I pulled into the far entrance and drove around out the other side.

So why am I a freak?

No, I did not turn around and go back home. That would not make me a freak, just a little absentminded.

The freak part was that the parking lot I turned around in was for a funeral home and all I could think of was that I crossed some imaginary line and just doomed someone close to me to death. FREAK. Didn't I tell you? I kept feeling all superstitious. But I've never heard of any superstition saying not to enter PARKING LOTS. FREAK! Also? My second thought was, I need to go home and tell the whole internet what a freak I am.

All together now... MoMMY is a FREAK!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

James Blunt

I'm sure I'm the last one to this party - as usual. It's never stopped me before so I shall not let it stop me now.

I'll admit. I've been sucked in. I'm a fan. I even downloaded his album. I'd heard "Beautiful" on the radio - has anyone NOT heard that song? And I *gasp* enjoyed it immensely. And then I caught the last 10 minutes of Oprah's show last week. (Damn that Oprah, she sucks me in.) James was on and sang "Goodbye my Lover". I SWEAR TO GOD he had tears in his eyes. Then afterwards he had to make me weep by joking that he didn't really care about the woman it was written about. And now? I'm in love. Sort of.

I think he may be my new celebrity boyfriend. Although? In real life? I'm not sure I could handle a guy that sensitive. I have this weird thing where I want to be the more sensitive in the relationship. And guys who cry more than I do? Well, I'll be kind and just say, not my type. But as a pretend celebrity boyfriend? Perfect.

Kid Conversation

Scene: Dylan(7) & I driving home in the car last night.

DYLAN: "Look! Mom! It's a full moon."

ME: "Oh, yes it is."

DYLAN: "Can I put down the window?"

ME: "Sure." It was freakishly warm here last night.

DYLAN: hands gripping window that is 1/2 down, face turned toward moon "Wooo, wooo, awooooooooooo. Wooo, wooo, awoooooooooo."

ME: "Are you being a werewolf?"

DYLAN: smug, and happy "Yes. Wooooooooooo, wooooooo, awoooooooooooooooooooooooo"

several minutes later

ME: "Can you roll up the window now? I think we've had enough howling."

DYLAN: "One more. Woooooo, woooooo, awooooooooooooooooooooooo..."

If you happened to be driving south on 590 in Rochester, NY last night around 8:30 and saw a child sticking his face up to an open window and howling? Yes, that was us. And yes, this was on a highway with cars zooming by his opened window. I may have been laughing. And I may have been the tiniest bit embarrassed. Shocking, I know.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Picture!

Okay, let's talk about that picture. Your first glance at MoMMY (other than my eyes).

Look! I had a neck!

I wore horizontal stripes!

I was wearing a SWEATER DRESS.

And yet? Not too bad. I think this explains the concept of youth really well.

And just think... not 6 months later I was wearing all black with black lipstick, eyeliner and nailpolish. And the pearl earrings in the picture? GONE.

It's All About The Hair

So I have decided to show that not only can I write boring and depressing posts I can also show my shallow and girly side. Yes, I have a girly side. Shut up! Just because it is usually MIA doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Sometimes.

My hair. I mentioned the other day that I got my hair cut. To most this may seem ordinary but for someone that can never spend the money on a hair cut it was huge. Also, my hairdresser is a friend and I must pay the (outrageous for me but not for most) price she charges to get all prettied up rather than attempt to spare a buck at the local Supercuts.

And we all know why I avoid the Supercut type places. Yes, about 25 billion million hundred ok maybe just about 25 bad haircuts. The last of which made me look like a boy with large breasts and took 2 years to grow out to a point where I could have it fixed.

Anyway, on to the good bits. The shampoo. The relaxation of no children present. No screaming. No phone calls with bad news. Just two friends getting caught up while she made me pretty.

And when it was all over and I loved my hair I mentioned how I always want to do choppy. Because choppy? It is oh-so-cute.

And do you know what she said? Just pick the broken shards of my heart off the floor right now. She said, "Without a lot of product and a lot of time with a flat iron, no, you can not do choppy. And we know you do not have that kind of time. But. You do wispy really well."

Now, you have to be told. I love her. I really do. I do not hold her honesty against her. But truthfully? I've been holding on to the apparently, and obviously delusional, false hope that someday with the right cut I could do choppy. Someone would invent a New and Magical haircut technique and my hair would transform and be textured and do choppy.

And right there? She crushed my hopes.

So the rest of the conversation consisted of me commenting how I despise wispy. And No, she was correct, I do not have that kind of time. Or patience. But that I let go unsaid because although she is not my closest friend, anyone who has even met me for more than 10 minutes knows, I do not have that kind of patience. Ever. Even for a big night out.

Big night out? What is that?

Where was I? Ah yes, wispy. Do you know what that means in haircutting terms? Do you? It means I shall spend my entire life with a variation of a bob. No, really. It's true. I may grow it long (aka flat). I may cut it short. I may have it any length in between but in the end - it will still be a bob. Stacked, tapered, wedged? Still a bob. That asymmetrical cut in my graduation pictures? Basically? Still a bob. And shut up - it was the late 80's. I was cool. Or not. But whatever. Bob. Bob. Bob.

I do like this variation of the bob though. And my face is recognizable in the mirror again. Still fat but it looks like me again.

MoMMY circa 1988 - graduation day

Friday, March 10, 2006

Craptastic Week Update

Let's see...

My dad is eating and drinking. And so am I. Drinking that is.

The temp agency I applied to called back. Our conversation went something like this:

temp woman: I'm calling you back. Do you know what we do here at Office Asses Temp agency?
me: Thank you for returning my call. Yes, I know what you do.
temp woman: How did you hear about us?
me: I researched you on the internet.
temp woman I'm beginning to dislike: I see. I have your resume here in front of me. I don't see that you've been an administrative assistant in the last 6 months.
me: Well, no. My last position in that capacity was right after college.
temp woman I'm starting to hate: Yes well, here at Office Asses Temp Agency we insist all our temps have held an administrative assistant position in the past 6 months. So I don't think we are the place for you. You may want to try getting a job first. Then in 6 months or so you can try us again.

WTF??? Someone please tell me when answering phones and using a computer became brain surgery? I know admin. assistants are vital to all offices. I know they do more than answer phones. But these are TEMPORARY positions. I've worked for a temp agency. You go in for a day or a 1/2 day answer phones, do a bit of filing, maybe sent a letter and go home. I did have a long term position at one point. They trained me for the specific work and wanted to hire me permanently but I ended up moving. Someone tell me things have changed so dramatically in the past 18 years that is simply not possible for me to do this job. I've kept up on my computer skills. I am fairly proficient to very proficient on all of the Microsoft Office Suite. I pick things up quickly. I can answer a phone, send a fax, make copies and file. I do my own taxes for crying out loud! But they can't even consider me because I haven't held a paying admin. assist. position in 18 years?

And I thought this was the way to get a job. If I had one/got one, why would I need them?

Oh, and I still haven't heard from my local grocery store.

I'm so glad I went to college. It taught me how to drink copious amounts of alcohol without puking. At least that is a skill I can use right now.

Let's Not Forget The Good

Before I go to clean the kitchen and do the laundry and start yet another set of phone calls, I thought I'd leave you with some good...

Dylan (7) lost a tooth a couple of weeks ago. One of the top front ones. Yes, my children hang on to their baby teeth like most people hang on to their limbs. Anyway, this weekend he was at a friend's and they were playing on a trampoline out in the snow. According to Dylan they were practicing their ninja moves when his friend kicked out his other front top tooth. He said he only cried a little. His friend's mom called me and told me. She told me she asked him if she should call me and he said no. They never found the tooth in the snow. BUT! The tooth fairy came anyway. And, AND! left extra money for the amount of blood and trauma that accompanied the loss. (a fat lip and large scrap/bruise on his chin) One of the best parts? He never even considered being mad at his friend. For kicking him in the mouth. Hard enough to dislodge a very slightly loose tooth. Got to love that kid. The other best thing? He now has a slight lisp and can't bite a bagel to save his life. It is so very cute and endearing.

(and yes, he was dressed as a cowboy yesterday and those are the remnants of the bruise on his chin)

I still have snuggle time every morning with Zach (5). He's the only one that still fits on my lap. He climbs on and hugs and kisses me and tells me he loves me "more than I can imagine." Makes me cry a little.

It is 50 degrees out today.

It is light in the morning when the two oldest get on the bus. Which means... when they missed the bus this morning? They were able to walk to school!

The huge hug I got from Dylan this morning when I started crying. He just opened his arms and beckoned me to him when he saw me.

I know there is more. I just really must go now. Maybe I'll add some later.

**ADDED: I've lost 13 pounds. Wahooo!

Is It Over Yet?

Can we all say Crappy Week? Because really? It has been. And I haven't made it any better. In fact, I've been raining down my miserableness (is so a word - don't fight me on this - I may just cry) on my family and that is just not fair. I'm going to try to be better. Really.

And why you ask, was it such a crappy week?

Let me tell you...

Wait, you don't really want to know? Then move along now. Right now.

Hello? Anyone out there? No? Okay, I shall start my rant or rather trail of crappiness.

Last week:
I have been forming a plan to get out us of debt. I have even enjoyed playing with the numbers. In fact, the enjoyment has caused me to consider going back to school for accounting. No. Really. I'm totally NOT kidding. But of course, this costs money. But ok, it may work and it may take like 3 years to get a certificate but I've got nothing but time right? Right. So it is all good.

This week:
Not only will the classes cost much money but when I looked at some of the books required? I found that the books for each class will cost approximately the same as our house or maybe just the same as the class. Either way? Way too much. Finding my plan weakening. But the week has not completely turned to shit yet. Things may work somehow.

I got a rejection on my poster design. I pretty much thought that might happen but I was holding out hope. Because, if my design was chosen then I wouldn't have to pay for a booth at the festival. And now? Now my application for the festival is still sitting in their files and I have no way to pay for the booth or the materials to put IN the booth to sell. Not good.

The same day:
Quickest rejection ever! I subbed the first 10 pages of my mid-grade novel to an agent that I spent 1/2 a day researching and she rejected me within 29 minutes. LESS THAN A 1/2 HOUR. Now yes, I love the speed. Good to not have to wait for an answer and all but I had spent about 3 hours researching her. Somehow the time equation seems off. Or not. But still - upsetting.

On that very same Wednesday:
My mom calls. My dad (not the same one who fixed my exposed pipes - in this family the kids have more grandparents than most kids have relatives) - this is my biological dad - thinks he's had a stroke and is refusing to call 911. He lives 6 hours away. He called my brother to tell him about the stroke. He refused to call 911. So? My brother called my mom who called me. I finally order my dad to call an ambulance. I then spend the rest of the day calling people and waiting to hear what is going on. What do I manage to learn? I now know what hospital he is in. Before I go to bed I find out he is being admitted. I am not allowed to speak to him and they refuse to tell me anything other than he is a patient.

More phone calls. A hair appointment. I am now one of those annoying people on my cell phone in public. Explain to my friend (who is my hairdresser) why I must answer my phone if it rings. Luckily, she doesn't seem to mind. Calls to schedule interviews with a temp agency and a career counselor at my alma mater. They do not return my calls. They must think I am hopeless.

Finally get a hold of my father. Get the nurses to allow me to his contact person, health care proxy and he signs papers so they can tell me what the hell is going on. He has had a minor stroke. He is not being allowed to eat or drink. He is not happy about this at all. They are waiting to do another test. He can't be released until it's done. If he doesn't pass the test? According to dad, this is not an option. No one really tells me what will happen. I'm thinking feeding tube. They will be sending him home the next day - maybe. Maybe not. They will not comment any further.

Friday - today -Yippee!:
Completely freak out on my husband for no good reason. Burst into tears sporadically. Find out my brother went to see my dad last night. He needs more tests. It looks like he will be going to rehab when they are finished. I am relieved he will not be sent home as he lives alone. My brother is heading to London on Monday for work so he will not be able to be a presence during this ordeal.

Decide going back to bed would be a wonderful way to spend the day. Realize I can't because the house and laundry have gotten away from me yet again and if I don't do it now and have to leave to be with my dad or actually get a job I will not have time to do it all.

Thursday, March 9, 2006

Quick Update

I heard from an agent and the big festival I entered a poster design for...

Neither wanted me.
I haven't heard if they want me to exhibit yet, just that they don't want my poster design.

Go me! UGH!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

I Have A Job

My new job is ...



Looking for a freaking job and applying for everything.

I'm talking customizing my resume for each potential job, filling out applications and even researching NEW! and IMPROVED! MODERN! ways to do your resume. Because the last time I was dressing the world in the paper that is my resume was long, long ago. And apparently? Things have changed. And so has my resume. And it is different for EVERY job.

This job hunting thing may just kill me.


You Know You Take This Blogging Thing Too Seriously When...

... you are reading a book to your son and you keep thinking how a blogger you "know" would completely love it.

Then you e-mail them about it and hope they don't think you're a total freak or stalker or (did I say?) freak.

Ok, I know you are all now wondering what book I was reading and who (or is it whom?) I was thinking.

The book is "Let's Get a PUP!" Said Kate. It's by Bob Graham. And the blogger I kept thinking of? Cecily at and I wasted all that birth control.

But the book... I should tell you - A.DOR.A.BLE. Well, if you're into picture books with delightful and whimsical pen and watercolor illustrations. And mom's with tattoos and pierced noses and dad's with pierced ears. I for one LOVE this book. Which is why I bought it. Without even reading it. Shhhh... don't tell. I bought a picture book because of the pictures never having read the text. But the text? So CUTE!

Really. You must all go out and buy a copy. It will delight you AND your child. I know all of mine love it.

Oh! And I almost forgot... there is a puppy! And an older dog. And a trip or two to a shelter. Really, you have to read it.

Thursday, March 2, 2006

It's Only the Weather

You may remember me mentioning once or twice that there was no snow earlier this winter. You may remember me mentioning that it would arrive sooner or later.

Well, guess what...

Yes, you're right. The snow has ARRIVED. With a capital A. It is coming down so hard the children were sent home early. From school. Because of the snow. With no warning phone call.

And I wonder why I start to hyperventilate when I think about getting a job.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Why I Love Listening to the Radio

The other day I was in the car driving one of the kids somewhere. Or maybe it was two of the kids. Or a bunch of kids - whatever. Anyway, I was listening to one of the few noncommercial radio stations in our area and I suddenly realized why I love listening to the radio.

Side note: I should admit to only listening to the radio in the car. For some reason at home I prefer CD's or the computer but in the car where I sometimes need to turn it up, WAY UP, to drown out the children. Where my mood can change in a flash. Just GET OUT OF THE WAY already! I prefer the radio. Besides, the pressure of picking out music to take in the car? And the time commitment? I'm lucky if I leave the house with both shoes on and all of the required children. Music is often not thought of at all.

So, the car. The radio. Commercial free only (I HATE radio commercials) unless I feel like surfing around. I'm not a big radio surfer but once and a while I'll do it to find something I want to hear.

Where was I? Did I have a point? Wait...

Yes! My point. Why I love the radio. And not that Satellite stuff where you get 8 million choices. Each specific to a fault. I want variety. I want to be surprised.


Back to the other day. I'm listening to a station that plays a mix of contemporary music. No country or pop or annoying crap that makes me want to smash the thing. And suddenly on comes Istanbul (Not Constantinople) by They Might Be Giants. Great band. Haven't listened to them in a while. Makes me want to dig out some of their stuff when I get home.

Then some more stuff I couldn't name if I tried. (I have the world's worst memory when it comes to song and artist names.) Then suddenly? Dirty Laundry by Don Henley. Ah, brings back memories. Not something I'd want to own. Or listen to often. But since I haven't heard it in more years than I care to remember... fun!

More music I can't recall... and then! Call Me by Blondie. Yes, showing my age again! But I love me some Blondie.

Another side note: Also, until just now when I did a search for Blondie to give you that handy-dandy link, I had no idea they still existed. I totally thought she went out on her own. Which, I'm pretty sure she did. I guess they got back together. Who knew? Not me. I'm a bit out of touch with the whole music scene.

So yes, I'm a child of the 80's. And I really do dig the surprise gems the radio can toss into our lives at the most unexpected moments. Brightens my day.

And now... what brightens your day unexpectedly?